“Gimme a toad, Mary’s hungry,” Sunja gurgled, his silvery flesh jiggling like a woven bag of steel fibers filled with sludge sucked out from a manhole.

            “Get it yourself.” Rachel skated away, having chosen to swap her feet for rollerblades today.

            Sunja shifted, twisting his body towards another of the Hands assembled in his cave. The pivoting action created a funnel in the ground where his buttocks scraped across the moist soil. He faced Duncan, hoping he’d be a bit more cooperative.

            “Gimme some toads. Nice, fat ones.”

            “KILLUMINATI!” The diminutive robot screeched, expelling puffs of acrid smoke from his motor. Sunja took a deep breath, hoping to catch a high off of the caustic chemicals that had been spewed. He was not disappointed.

            His entire body shivered as a haze fell over what remained of his mind.

*  *  *

            “KILLUMINATI!” Duncan whizzed by, leaving tread marks in the muddy soil of the Dome. Some piles of brown bean snow still remained, though under the heat of the afternoon sun, they were rapidly melting away into small puddles of brown water which vaguely resembled chocolate milk.

            Vazquez looked up from the puddle of bean water he had been drinking from to catch a glimpse of Duncan slamming into a rock and going into a full somersault before crashing back into the ground. In futility, he spun his tracks, unable to right himself.

            Vazquez looked back down at the puddle. These were some good beans… but he couldn’t stand to see the little guy burn up all his fuel… and he would. Duncan was notorious for self-destructive behavior. Casually, he walked over and lifted Duncan upright, allowing the formless bot to continue on doing whatever it was he was doing.

            “I was going to do that,” He heard Rachel’s voice from off to his side.

            “Sup?” He turned towards the red-haired cyborg, whose crimson locks flowed over the inorganic side of her chest like a ribbon of liquid fire. For a moment he was almost able to convince himself she was entirely human, though a flash from her one red eye reminded him that her days on the market were long over.

            “Yes?” She tilted her head, “Reminds me of this one time Sunja got indigestion from eating a battery. He was being pretty grumpy, slapped Duncan and knocked him straight into the wall. Broke one of his wheels clear off, so I had to use some of Sunja’s armpit hair to tie it back on. Then I ate some cheese nachos for dinner.”

            Vazquez nodded solemnly, not quite sure how to respond.

            “Hmmm… now I want some nachos.” Rachel skated off, leaving him contemplating the tensile strength of Sunja’s hair. He was glad she’d chosen to get it from his armpits instead of… certain alternatives. He shivered, attempting to purge the image from his mind.

            Something wet and cold slapped the top of his open-toed sandals. Immediately upon catching sight of the lumpy toad, Vazquez kicked his foot violently, launching the vulgar thing a good ten feet away. A moment later, Duncan buzzed through, stopping where the toad had landed. He began rolling back and forth. The strange behavior continued for a few minutes, until Vazquez became curious enough to brave the cloud of toxic exhaust hanging in the air long enough to investigate.

            “KILL... KILL... KILLUMINATI!!!” Duncan screeched, sounding remotely frustrated. Beneath his wheels was a slimy green pile of small bones and dark blood.

            “Seriously?” Vazquez asked, knowing full well that Duncan’s limited vocabulary rarely gave way to anything more than one particular word which he had already heard more than enough times today.

            “KILL?” Duncan tilted his body towards Vazquez.

            Hesitantly, Vazquez skewered the toad pancake with one of his pencils. Duncan instantly whizzed off toward the cave which housed Sunja. Figured he’d be the one who put the guileless robot up to this. Far off, he could hear someone yell, “Repent!”

It sounded like Walker was in another fight again. Maybe this was worth checking out. He reached into his satchel and pulled out a confetti grenade. Time for some action.

*  *  *

The Chambler lifted Walker up by his shoulders and threw him into a nearby pile of rocks. The hapless zealot crashed down, dropping his Bush .43 long-barreled handgun as he struck the ground.

Pulling a soiled diaper out of his fanny pack, he hurled it down at the General, who instinctively threw his arm up as the chitbomb came down upon him. The diaper burst into a flurry of plastic, silica gel, and the remains of Monday’s lunch. The Chambler had eaten lots of granola that day, and the resultant explosion had successfully soiled his opponent from head to toe with gravelly brown ooze.

“You misunderestimate me.” Walker growled, grabbing a piece of diaper elastic.

Ignoring the General’s vain protests, he reached into his fanny pack and pulled out another diaper. This one was particularly wet and heavy… must have been from the day he accidently drank that curdled milk. He lifted it high above the General’s head.

“Bomb’s away!”

Just as The Chambler was ready to drop the diaper, Walker loaded a stone into his makeshift elastic slingshot, pulling it back and aiming it at the monster’s throat. At the last moment though, he changed his target and fired the stone at the diaper just at his assailant dropped it. Before it had travelled even half a foot, the diaper exploded, coating The Chambler’s head in his own filth.

Walker seized the moment and retrieved his Bush .43, firing several shots at The Chambler’s torso. The refuse-covered behemoth seemed unfazed.

He didn’t want to waste it on one of The Hands of Chaos, but Walker had no choice. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the clampitalist, a large grappling hook which took full advantage of the Bush .43’s long barrel.

Loading the projectile into the Bush .43, he aimed straight for the Chambler’s heart. If he got this right, he might be able to defeat the abomination. Just as he was about to fire though, an explosion of confetti and light appeared before his eyes, momentarily blinding him.

            Vazquez.

A moment later, the aggravating artist addressed him, “Hey bruh, what stinks? Wait, it’s you. I suppose you finally managed to pull your head out of your…”

            “Shut it, Vazquez.”

            Another confetti grenade exploded before him, but this time Walker turned away fast enough to avoid being blinded.

            “Stop that!” Walker rubbed his eyes, his vision still bleary from the first grenade.

            “Hey, show some appreciation, bruh! Look, I chased off The Chambler for you.”

            “Get lost” Walker aimed his Bush .43 at the interloper’s face.

            “Hey, hey, calm down, buddy.” Vazquez lifted his arms in mock surrender, “I was just… looking for toads. Got any toads?”

            “Huh?” Walker lifted his eyes from the gun’s sight, “Quit lying. You’re just here to harass me again.”

            “No way, Bruh, look!” Vazquez held out the pencil which contained the skewered toad, “Brother, can you spare a toad?”

            “Yeah, whatever.” Walker pulled out a toad from one of his pockets and threw it at Vazquez’s face. It bounced harmlessly against his forehead and flopped to the ground.

            “Not cool, man.” Vazquez retrieved the toad by skewering it onto the pencil with the other. By the time he was finished, Walker had already begun walking away.