Guys, I have a problem. I'm not exactly sure why this keeps happening to me, but I am caught in a cycle. It's like an addiction. Every few months I stop reading the comments section of myUMBC, a move motivated by equal parts apathy and concern for my health, because watching most of you prattle along, trying to be serious about just about anything is enough to raise someone's blood pressure to atomic levels. But I persist, and every few months I come back to these forums (if you can call them that, despite their lack of moderation, a move I constantly wonder about with daggers in my soul) and I think “maybe it will be better this time, Ryan. Maybe they finally got their shit together and everything is going to be okay.” Because surely, in an educational institution such as this, ignorance is not something that can persist. It's just not a thing that's supposed to happen. Not here.

But lo, time and time again I am disappointed by the continuous swill that fills these boards. And every time, it's like I've walked into a strange new Twilight Zone. I'm confused and disoriented, because the bigotry and hate mongering that goes on here doesn't belong here. This kind of shit is reserved for the most fanatical shows on Fox of MSNBC. It's impossible. “How did this happen?” I think to myself, coping with my newest existential crisis. “Did I drink myself into a coma? Am I drunk RIGHT NOW?”

What do you think you're all accomplishing, exactly? Don't get me wrong, I get being enthusiastic about something. Passion is a good thing, and I'm not going to say you should all be as cynical and bitter as I am (read: as you should be). But seriously, guys? This kind of bullshit is awe-inspiring. I'm honestly impressed by the level of ignorance that you constantly and consistently express. I didn't think it was possible to  be this stupid in this day and age, much less here, in a place that's supposed to be defined by rational, reasoned and intelligent discussion. What you are doing is not reasonable discussion. What you are doing is a big circlejerk. With people you disagree with, with people you agree with, with everything.

It's at this point I should probably preface this with saying I'm not aiming this at Republicans, or Democrats, Liberals, Conservatives, Libertarians, Complex Carbohydrates, nothing. I am not here to get involved in petty political debates, especially with the lot of you. Every problem these boards applies to both sides. But I will say, and I have no problem this is my own bias, that there's a particular level of delirium reserved for Republican indoctrination camps.

You are all diseased. You don't know anything about anything. It's hard for you to know less than you do now, actually. I get it, this is America. We have the First Amendment and everything else and it's magical and unicorns and it makes everything so much better. You have a right to an opinion. What I am saying to you is that your opinion is useless, and so are you.

Think about it. I cannot farm. I have never grown a potato, or anything. You can ask me about advice on gardening, and I will give you advice on gardening. Should you trust my advice on gardening? Are you retarded?

It's the same thing. Politics are not something you can just have an opinion on. Seriously, what the fuck makes you think you know anything about politics? Because mommy and daddy told you how the world goes? Because you watched a news report that used a bunch of words that sounded right? Or maybe it was because your high school history teacher told you (amidst the lies that most history classes shove down your throats, mind you) that the Constitution was amazing? I'm not saying it's one way or the other. I'm saying shut the fuck up and learn to think beyond the level of a 15 year old before you start spouting off about everything wrong with this country.

Because I have news for you guys. None of you are helping. None of you are solving jack shit. This perpetual “us vs. them” mentality is the root of the problems we have. This rah rah rah nationalism bullshit and this “AMURCUH IS AWESOME AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE COUNTRY” is the fulcrum of all the shit that's wrong with you. And yes, I recognize fully that this is mostly a right wing mentality, but I've seen it used by the left as well.

The problem is not that Obama is a tyrant. The problem is not that Romney is a slimebag. The problem is that not one of you is willing to compromise on anything. The problem is that no one can just suck it up and get behind an idea and push it forward. “He doesn't agree with me so I'm going to fucking wreck him. THEN I WILL BE RIGHT.” I hate to break it to you guys, but it's not like one method to approach a problem is going to make everything sunshine and puppies and the next is going to lead the country to Armageddon. The world isn't that simple, and that two track train of mind is nothing more than high school guys comparing their dicks. And every time you fall for one of these fucked up politicians shouting at you about something along these lines you're just proving you're a worthless sap who shouldn't have the right to vote. If you can get tricked by these assholes your opinion isn't going to benefit anyone. And it would be bad enough if this kind of stupid was only present around election time, but even that is a saving grace you can't afford anyone. Obama won the election, and those that didn't vote for him tried to shit on him at every turn for the next four years instead of just getting behind him and trying to do some fucking good. “Our guy didn't win. Fuck the other guy, no matter what.” You're not doing anybody any good by focusing all your efforts on trying to bring the other guy down.

Get off you're goddamn high horse. You want to argue Obama is better than Romney? The other way? Does it matter? You want to take a guess why the majority of the electoral process is attack ads on the candidates, and not ads promoting the issues and stances that the politicians are going to fight for? Attack ads are easier. It's easier to manipulate you into turning against someone than for them to sit there and successfully argue that their strategy about talking point x is any better, because as I've already said the world isn't this on/off switch where things are inherently good or bad. You can argue that politician x is better than politician y for as long as you can tolerate, but they're all the same. They all operate on a scale between “get fucked” and “fuck you.” Whichever one can brainwash the most people into thinking their opponent is an asshole gets elected and gets to stroke one off for the next four years. Every single politician goes back on what they say. Bashing Obama because he didn't do this is retarded because Romney has as many fuck ups on his record. So what are you accomplishing, really? If you want to support Romney, or Obama, or Nader, or Vader, then fucking do it, but have a better reason better than “HE DIDN'T MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER LIKE HE SAID HE WOULD.”

But who the fuck am I kidding? None of you are going to do shit. Being a reasonable, informed member of society is really hard. It's easier to spew how this guy is a tyrant or a terrorist or a thief or whatever the contextually appropriate buzzword is that day. Argue about shit that doesn't matter instead of trying to come together and solve a real problem. I'm sure it'll work out. Everything is black and white, right and wrong. Go for it. Keep talking about how Obama is a Socialist or Romney is a crook or how Michelle's dog took a dump on Palin's lawn or whatever else seems so important that the actual issues don't matter. It seems to be working so far.

Of course most you are just going to go “that fucking guy, he's a troll” just you do to everyone who disagrees with you. But let me close with this: barring the few of you that have actually served in the military or worked for the government for a few years I can almost guarantee I've done more to help this country than any of you. And those fucks that you call trolls, or whatever else, are the chillest and most well adjusted of any of you.

The fact that there are people that would look at you, attending the same institution as I, and think to label us equals, is disturbing on a level that can only be realized in a Lovecraft novel.