Ann Coulter on how soccer is a sign of moral decay
Apparently it's not 'MURICAN enough!
posted over 10 years ago
Another strike for conservative talking heads, except I found this one very entertaining.
"Individual achievement is not a big factor in soccer. In a real sport, players fumble passes, throw bricks and drop fly balls — all in front of a crowd. When baseball players strike out, they're standing alone at the plate. But there's also individual glory in home runs, touchdowns and slam-dunks.
In soccer, the blame is dispersed and almost no one scores anyway. There are no heroes, no losers, no accountability, and no child's fragile self-esteem is bruised. There's a reason perpetually alarmed women are called "soccer moms," not "football moms.""
Translation: Teamwork is unpatriotic, and if you like teamwork then you're not a real American.
"Soccer is like the metric system, which liberals also adore because it's European. Naturally, the metric system emerged from the French Revolution, during the brief intervals when they weren't committing mass murder by guillotine.
Despite being subjected to Chinese-style brainwashing in the public schools to use centimeters and Celsius, ask any American for the temperature, and he'll say something like "70 degrees." Ask how far Boston is from New York City, he'll say it's about 200 miles.
Liberals get angry and tell us that the metric system is more "rational" than the measurements everyone understands. This is ridiculous. An inch is the width of a man's thumb, a foot the length of his foot, a yard the length of his belt. That's easy to visualize. How do you visualize 147.2 centimeters?"
So putting aside the fact that using the metric system has nothing to do with this, here's the translation...
Translation: Dem Liberals are trying to use Orwellian tactics to brainwash our kids into learning about soccer. This slippery slope will lead to greater evils such as the metric system. Oh the horror!
"You can't use your hands in soccer. (Thus eliminating the danger of having to catch a fly ball.) What sets man apart from the lesser beasts, besides a soul, is that we have opposable thumbs. Our hands can hold things. Here's a great idea: Let's create a game where you're not allowed to use them!"
Translation: Despite the fact that soccer (or "football" to those who are patriotically challenged) was invented long before "real football" (or just football to us true patriots), clearly there was a conspiracy to make a dumbed down sport. Apparently, the quality of a sport is measured by how often we use our hands.
And finally, my favorite:
"If more "Americans" are watching soccer today, it's only because of the demographic switch effected by Teddy Kennedy's 1965 immigration law. I promise you: No American whose great-grandfather was born here is watching soccer. One can only hope that, in addition to learning English, these new Americans will drop their soccer fetish with time."
Translation: It's all the fault o dem Mexicans. First they enter our country, steal our jorbs, refuse to learn the language, and now they are making us watch the most un-American sport ever invented. Soccer is all their fault!
So there you have it folks. This is irrefutable proof of how soccer is a liberal conspiracy to undermine our culture and heritage!
