A Women’s Center blog post by staff member Daniel Willey 

Note: I hope what I’ve learned can be applicable to other people, but I know my experience isn’t universal. I use a lot of action verbs in my post, but I don’t intend to make assumptions about what a body can do. I encourage readers to challenge their ideas of how one might “feel” and “wiggle” and “tend” and “look” and “know” in different ways, and how you as an individual do these things in a way that is unique to you and your body.

This is a twelve-step program designed to teach you how to be tender to yourself.

1. Have a Major Body Event.

Have surgery. Be or become disabled. Learn to use new assistive technology. Get fitted for a prosthetic. Gain weight. Lose weight. Start a health challenge. Buy new clothes. Get new hair. Have a child. Age.

2. Lose your body.

What is your body? What does your body mean now? What did it mean before? Is it different? How is it different? Why? Is this still you? Where are you?

3. Recognize your new body.

This is your body. Look at it. What do you see? Locate yourself. Are you in your thighs? Are you in your shoulders? Where are you? You are here.

4. Know that this will be hard.

How does your body challenge you? What about your body makes it hard to be tender? Hold these things in your hands and know this will be hard. Take a deep breath.

5. Begin to unlearn.

“To be alive in this world at all: indeed to be queer, a person of color, a person with a disability, trans, a woman or poor, is to have self-hatred non-consensually woven into your education in personhood before you’re even aware the air you are breathing.” –Lila (for Autostraddle)

“Your education in personhood” is fraught. What has the world taught you about your body? Why? Where did you learn these things?

6. Begin your affirmations.

“All bodies are good bodies.” What can your body do? What can your body not do? What does your body do differently? Your body is a good body. Revel in this.

7. Allow yourself to be angry (upset, frustrated, sad).

Let the heat fill you up from your toes and let it tingle on your skin. Draw out all the ill feelings and let them swim in your anger (sadness, frustration). Know these feelings. Take a deep breath and push them out of your lungs and your eyes and your nose and your fingers and your knees and the top of your head. Acknowledge them as they leave.

8. Fill the empty spaces.

Where did your ill feelings live? What do their empty homes look like? Tuck forgiveness in your belly. Fill your back with strength. Dab pride behind your ears.

9. Know that this will be hard.

“Your education in personhood” is woven into your roots and your ill feelings have grown roots too. It will take time to make them leave. Some never will.

10. Tend ill feeling weeds.

Get to know your weeds. If you can’t make them leave, learn where their roots go. What do the weeds look like? How do they smell? Are you irritated by thorns or stray root hairs? Soothe with aloe. Remind your weeds: “You are a visitor here. I own my body.” Accept your weeds. Know they are with you but they are not you. Accept your weeds. Be tender where they grow.

11. Touch your body.

Feel how soft your earlobes are. Delight in the bumps and the lumps and the humps. Wiggle your toes if you can. Stretch and feel your body expand. Take up space! Oh it feels good to be a body! Drink cool water on a hot day. Take a hot shower on a cold morning. Revel in sensation.

12. Repeat.

Your body will change over and over again. Excite in this. Know it will be hard every time. Know it can get easier. Take someone with you next time. Be a good body with another good body. Find joy in exuding love outward and pouring love inward. Know love does not mean always loving, always delighting. Know love means patience. Love is sometimes found a little deeper than you would like. Your body is a good body. Revel in this.

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13. Know that everything in your life will work against you on this journey.

via robot-hugs.com.com/under-2

I recently had top surgery….

….it was really hard to make myself rest. Don’t let this photo fool you. I was full of pain meds at the time.

These twelve steps take a lot of energy. As students, workers, homemakers, parents living in a world that praises us for pushing ourselves to the limit, setting aside time and energy to care for ourselves can be a radical act. We talk about self-care and self-love all the time in the Women’s Center and as feminists because prioritizing oneself requires so much unlearning.

Mothers are expected to be Super Mom — PTA, soccer, bake sale, appointments, dinner, laundry, carpool, work, school — and be totally selfless about it. Women who set aside time to take care of themselves are “high maintenance.” Companies like Dove use self-love and body positivity to market their products while profiting from self-hate by selling skin-whitening products. Even much of the body positivity movement expects you to love yourself all the time as if you haven’t been born into a society that feeds off your insecurity.

As a student at UMBC, I am having to make the difficult decision between keeping a pretty big scholarship and maintaining my mental and physical health. It’s taken me a year to get to this point, but I’m finally choosing myself. So many people have suggested I “just try harder” and “quit everything but school,” but very few have acknowledged the strength it takes to say “I matter. My health and wellbeing are my priority.”

Though UMBC resources like the Counseling Center, UMBC NAMI, UHS, and Retriever Wellness take steps to help students manage stress and mental health, there’s still much to be done. Academic rigor and attitudes about academic success can create a toxic climate for students and often our resources are funneled into praising students who do well rather than helping and uplifting students who need help.

Even as feminists who firmly believe in treating ourselves, it can be so hard to say “no” when it feels like you’re the only one who will say “yes.” Burnout is a big issue in social justice work not only because it is so emotionally taxing, but also because we who do the work feel like we need to be doing all the work all the time. This comic does a great job of talking about how we as activists can better manage our projects and priorities.

It’s also important to remember that self-care can be a privilege. Single mothers, Black folks, people on welfare or food stamps, and many others are expected to not engage in self-care or self-love as if doing so is a sign of incompetence or laziness. It is becoming increasingly more clear the traumatic effect racism has on people of color in the U.S. and it’s statistically proven that people in poverty experience consistently higher levels of stress. As Audre Lorde said, “caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” As a queer Black woman and a mother, caring for herself was a radical act of resistance.

Don’t forget to check out the Women’s Center’s Self-Care Day event at the end of each semester and these related Women’s Center blog posts!

A blog reflection written by Women’s Center student staff member Meagé Clements. This post is an expansion of her statement in the UMBC Women’s Center and Women of Color Coalition’s “I’m Not” anti-stereotype campaign for the Telling Our Stories project, which we posted about here.

It’s been over a year since I first read recent UMBC alumna and former Women’s Center student staff member Bria Hamlet’s blog post Blackish: Telling My Story and her words continue to resonate with me. She described how she often felt that her blackness was invalidated by others because she didn’t fit the “stereotypical Black mold.” Her blog post made me recall my own experiences with microaggressions and respectability politics, even before I had words to describe what I was facing.

Upon thinking about my “favorite” microaggressions to include on my anti-stereotype poster for the Telling Our Stories Project, a million ideas popped in my head; several about my name, a few about my natural hair, but most were about me being — or not being — “Black enough,” and how other people often take it upon themselves to decide when I am capable of being associated with my blackness.

Growing up, I attended predominantly white schools, but I had always surrounded myself with a small yet diverse group of friends. I remember several times when my Black and non-Black friends alike would joke about how my “Black card should be revoked” or how I was “barely Black” for any number of reasons.

Most often, it came down to the fact that by being an introvert, I couldn’t possibly be Black. Because I wasn’t the stereotypical “loud Black woman,” I wasn’t Black enough. Because I grew up in a two-parent household, I couldn’t be Black. Because I “spoke like a white girl,” I wasn’t deemed Black enough.

Since when did each of these things become associated with Blackness and why were they the determinants? What exactly did it mean to be “Black enough?”

Due to stereotypes associated with being Black, people often assume that there is a singular Black experience and that there is a set of definitive criteria to test one’s blackness. If someone doesn’t appear to conform to X,Y, and Z, they are deemed less Black. At the same time, it seems as if people regard stereotypical white traits as “good,” and stereotypical Black traits as “bad,” which further perpetuates harmful dichotomies.

Consequently, Black people become torn between the societal pressures to assimilate to “mainstream” culture and the pressures to embrace their cultures and express themselves freely. My grandparents are Black, my parents are Black, and I have always identified as Black, too. Yet as I grew up, I found myself constantly attempting to “prove” my blackness in one way or another.

My name is Meagé and I’m not “barely Black.”

However, I soon realized that this was useless. Living in a society where appearance and first impressions are so influential, I learned that no matter how I act, I am always going to be Black and I am going to continue to experience the discrimination associated with being a Black woman. Whether I “speak like a white girl” or not, my voice coming from my body is still subject to scrutiny. I am going to continue to experience discrimination because of my “Black-sounding” name, and, regardless, I am going to continue to embrace being a Black woman.

Most importantly, I learned that no one is capable of defining me but myself. I’ve always been Black, I’ve had the experiences of a Black woman and I have nothing to prove. People need to recognize the diversity that exists among Black women. We have different skin tones, talents, quirks and, most importantly, we have different personalities and traits that make us unique. Instead of policing Black women and attempting to define their blackness with a finite set of traits, we should “celebrate the fullness of Black womanhood” and realize that we are more than the media misrepresentations, the stereotypes, and the assumptions.  

To talk more about this topic and other issues impacting women of color, Women of Color Coalition meets weekly on Tuesdays at 5pm. This Women’s Center discussion-based program is open to all self-identified women of color in the UMBC community. 

A playlist brought to you by Women’s Center staff member, MJ Jalloh Jamboria

As we approach the end of Women’s History Month, I wanted to share a playlist I made for a Women’s History Month Empowerment Program. The playlist features some throwbacks, a few current jams, Beyoncé (more than once) and I throw in Kelis’ “Milkshake” just for fun!

Get up and dance like this kid

Check it out on Spotify or YouTube below!

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month.

The UMBC Summer Day Camp operated by the UMBC Department Athletics and Recreation and licensed by the Maryland State Department of Health and Mental Hygiene begins year number 38 of offering outstanding camp experiences for boys and girls within the greater Baltimore region. 

Designed for children ages 6-13, the camp curriculum has been created to offer a wide variety of programs to meet the interests, abilities, and needs of our campers. Camp activities invite participation, are fresh, interactive and lead by a staff that is enthusiastic, energetic, and fun to be around. Each camper’s day will be filled with a variety of age-appropriate sports, games, arts and crafts, and camp activities that will keep your camper active and engaged throughout the week.

Our weekly programs include twice daily swimming (instructional swim in the morning and free swim in the afternoon), arts and crafts, fitness and dance, tennis, reading time, Friday movies, recreational games, and specialty days. Campers are well supervised during all activities as safety is a first priority with every activity taking camper safety and welfare into consideration. All campers are given a camp T-shirt.

The camp is housed in the UMBC Retriever Activities Center, which features an indoor and outdoor pool, two air conditioned gyms, as well as several on-campus locations all air conditioned and outdoor play areas.

Our summer program emphasizes having fun in a positive, well structured, and exciting environment. 

Email address  summerdaycamp@umbc.edu

March is Women’s History Month!

Three  years ago Women’s History Month’s national theme was “Women Inspiring Innovation Through Imagination: Celebrating Women in Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics.” The theme honored generations of women who throughout American history have used their intelligence, imagination, sense of wonder, and tenacity to make extraordinary contributions to the STEM fields. At UMBC we honored this theme by partnering with the Center for Women in Technology (CWIT) to feature some of their amazing students participating in technology in the engineering and information technology fields. While the theme for Women’s History Month changes every year, we have come to love the tradition in spotlighting the stories of UMBC’s CWIT women. So with that, we are honored to bring you the 3rd Annual CWIT Showcase in honor of Women’s History Month.

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Natacha Ngea
Computer Engineering
CWIT  Scholar & Newcombe Scholar

Meet Natacha Ngea! A CWIT Scholar and computer engineering major.

Describe what sparked your interest STEM and the journey to choosing your major.

I have always been interested in Science and Technology. My favorite classes were biology, chemistry and Mathematics. I still remember how excited I was to perform experiments with test tubes. In my country of origin, Cameroon, you specialize in high school and your admittance in College depends on what you graduate in. I was placed in Modern Languages. It never felt right. When I got the opportunity to come to the US, I decided to use that chance to finally do what I always wanted to do. In order to do so, though, I needed to pay my way to school and fill the gap I had in technology so I had so I enrolled in a professional certificate at Howard Community College (HCC). My first class was a computer repairs class. I loved it. I wanted to know how computers work. My professor knew so much on the topic that I asked him what was his background was in. He told me he was a mechanical engineer. That is when I started thinking about getting a degree in engineering. After meeting with my advisor, I took some tests and I enrolled in a second degree in engineering. After physics I, I knew mechanical engineering was not the right fit for me but I found out there was a computer engineering program. I read the curriculum and I was sold. In the meantime, I was invited to join the STEM community at HCC. Through this program, I grew more and more confident. I also joined the Computer/Network support team as an intern. I discovered that I liked troubleshooting and taking things apart. I learned a lot there. I am a visual learner and English is not my first language so being able to relate a concept I learned in class with an application I encountered through my internship was great. After an A.A.S in Computer Support Technology and an A.A in Computer Science, I transferred to UMBC in fall 2014 to pursue a degree in Computer Engineering and I also work for DoIT as a network technician.

Tell us about an internship, research experience or project that you are proud of.

When I started my first internship. I had no experience. No one expected much from me or asked me anything so I started going on tickets on my own and shadowed more experienced technicians. I wanted to be taken seriously. Finally a big project came and individual assignments were made as it went. When I was given my own part of the project, I knew that my efforts were paying: I was part of the team.

Who are your role models in the engineering or IT field? How have their stories influenced your educational or career goals.

My role models are my peers. Each one of them has her story and it is really fascinating to hear them. I went to Grace Hopper Conference last Fall and I met a lot of professionals in the field and other students in the country or from other countries. It was very encouraging to me to hear the same passion and drive, sometimes the same goals and I felt re-energized. It was a great experience. If you are in a computing major, you must attend Grace Hopper.

Women often face subtle comments (microaggressions) or people who tell them they can’t/shouldn’t be in these majors which are often dominated by men. What would you say to those women or what advice do you have?

In the environment where I grew up, the young are discriminated against because they are young. The older can get away with anything because they are older. That experience and the other forms of discrimination I faced taught me a very important lesson: It is not about you. It is about the aggressors. They have a problem. You do not. For the most part, you are never really conscious right away of these microaggressions. You find yourself angry and low on energy because those tiny papercuts start to accumulate. You are not alone in this. At Grace Hopper, I kept hearing the same story over and over again no matter where the women were in their professional lives.You need to create your own support system: It may or may not involve people. If it does, it does not need to be other women in your major, though that would be ideal. My first year at UMBC, I was hanging out with mechanical engineers. Do something that always brings you high positive energy (it will channel your frustration into something positive) and remind yourself of what motivates you to be in these majors. I created a Women in Computer Engineering Lean In Circle opened to undergraduates, graduates and alumnae. Of course, there are plenty of other resources on campus such as SWE and affiliates from scholarship programs.

Natacha is also a Newcombe Scholar and part of the Women’s Center Returning Women Students Program. She’s pictured here with other UMBC returning women students at fall orientation.

With viral hashtags like #DistractinglySexy or #AddWomen and #Ilooklikeanengineer, women in STEM are using social media as a tool for activism and creating awareness about women’s representation in STEM. What’s your favorite example of women in STEM supporting and empowering themselves and other women to change the narrative about women in STEM?

I have already mentioned the Grace Hopper Conference and Lean In Circles but my favorite is #Ilooklikeanengineer. America loves labels. I have never seen anything like it. When you think about it, most issues stem from this need to catalog everything including people. This campaign is great because you can fit in any other label and see how pointless they are.

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The Center for Women In Technology (CWIT) is dedicated to increasing the representation of women in the creation of technology in the engineering and information technology fields. CWIT efforts begin with nurturing a strong group of Scholars, grow to building community resources for other women in these majors, extend to fostering a healthy gender climate and ITE pedagogy in College of Engineering and Information Technology (COEIT) departments, and finally expand into outreach efforts to increase interest in technical careers. A successful program for female-friendly engineering and information technology education at UMBC will help make UMBC a destination for women (and men) interested in technical careers and serve as a national model for other universities. To read previous Women’s History Month CWIT spotlights, click here. 

To learn more about the experience of women in STEM, check out the American Association of University Women’s report, Why So Few? Women in Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics (STEM) which presents in-depth yet accessible profiles of eight key research findings that point to environmental and social barriers — including stereotypes, gender bias, and the climate of science and engineering departments in colleges and universities — that continue to block women’s progress in STEM.

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For more information about Women’s History events and happenings, visit the Women’s Center myUMBC group page.

March is Women’s History Month!

Three  years ago Women’s History Month’s national theme was “Women Inspiring Innovation Through Imagination: Celebrating Women in Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics.” The theme honored generations of women who throughout American history have used their intelligence, imagination, sense of wonder, and tenacity to make extraordinary contributions to the STEM fields. At UMBC we honored this theme by partnering with the Center for Women in Technology (CWIT) to feature some of their amazing students participating in technology in the engineering and information technology fields. While the theme for Women’s History Month changes every year, we have come to love the tradition in spotlighting the stories of UMBC’s CWIT women. So with that, we are honored to bring you the 3rd Annual CWIT Showcase in honor of Women’s History Month.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Rachel Cohen
Computer Science
CWIT  Scholar

Meet Rachel Cohen! A CWIT Scholar and computer science major.

Describe what sparked your interest STEM and the journey to choosing your major.

When I first decided to attend UMBC as a freshman, I originally declared my major as biochemistry. In high school, I had always excelled in my science and math classes and knew that I wanted to major in something that would allow me to hone in on those skills. After taking the gateway biology and chemistry courses, I came to the realization that I wasn’t exceedingly passionate about what I was studying, so I decided to switch my major to computer science. Having no prior experience in the subject, I was a bit hesitant to make such a drastic switch. I knew that computer science was a prevalent field with a great number of job opportunities, so I knew that if I were able to develop the skills needed to get the computer science degree, I would have a successful future ahead of me. Since switching to computer science after freshman year, I haven’t looked back!

Tell us about an internship, research experience or project that you are proud of.

This past summer, I was accepted into the Cyber Summer Program, the DoD’s outreach effort to recruit computer science students from around the country. I was able to work on mission critical problems with senior cybersecurity professionals, which was a pretty awesome experience.

Who are your role models in the engineering or IT field? How have their stories influenced your educational or career goals.

Megan Smith is definitely someone whose career path I admire. For those who haven’t heard of Smith, she is the current (and first female) Chief Technology Officer of the United States. She holds a bachelor’s and master’s degree from MIT in mechanical engineering. She was the vice president of business development at Google and vice president of Google[x], a semi-secret research and development facility created by the Internet giant. One of the things I admire most about Smith is her involvement in Google’s $50 million dollar investment in their Made with Code initiative. Smith explained that Made with Code was formed to encourage young girls to get involved with basic coding projects and find information about strong female role models. Smith said, “We found out that one of the things that happens with high school girls is they sometimes get discouraged from doing code because no one is encouraging them…nobody’s telling them why it’s so impactful on the world. You couldn’t see a lot of heroes.” Someone like Smith, who has had ample experience in private industry and is now serving our country as the first female CTO, is someone who I aspire to be like. Her strong technical background has allowed her to advance into important leadership roles, which is something that I hope to do one day.

Rachel and Dr. Hrabowski

Women often face subtle comments (microaggressions) or people who tell them they can’t/shouldn’t be in these majors which are often dominated by men. What would you say to those women or what advice do you have?

The issue of gender disparity in tech is something that is very evident and it’s an issue that needs to be addressed. I’ve experienced moments, both at work and at school, where I’ve heard comments made about me that may (or may not) be attributed to my gender. I tend to not let those kinds of things affect me as I try and remember that I, just like everyone else, am where I am due of my qualifications and accomplishments. I am no less of a computer scientist because of my gender. I would say the most common thing that I experience is the feeling of being underrepresented as a woman in my field. For me, it’s important to bond with other women who have had these experiences too, so I would recommend finding a support group of peers as a way to gain connections and advice. That way, you’ll be able to say “yes, I’m the only woman in the room most of the time, but I’m a part of this group of awesome people who has experienced it too, so I know I’m not alone in this.”

With viral hashtags like #DistractinglySexy or #AddWomen and #Ilooklikeanengineer, women in STEM are using social media as a tool for activism and creating awareness about women’s representation in STEM. What’s your favorite example of women in STEM supporting and empowering themselves and other women to change the narrative about women in STEM?

Rachel at the awesome Grace Hopper Conference which is the world’s largest gathering of women technologists.

One of my favorite examples of women empowering themselves and other women to change the narrative about women in STEM is model Karlie Kloss’ experience with coding. Kloss, who is most well known for being a high fashion model, left her role as a Victoria’s Secret Angel to pursue computer science at New York University. While she doesn’t have a typical tech background, she had become a public advocate for girls in computer science, and together with Code.org has donated money to fund a scholarship for young girls interested in coding. She’s started the hashtag #KodeWithKarlie to encourage young girls to post photos of themselves coding on social media. With over 4 million followers on Instagram, she has such a large platform to inform her audience that computer science is an important field not just comprising of the stereotypical geeky, male computer scientist. The fact that Karlie, a young woman who many might not have thought would be interested in or good at programming, is becoming such a strong proponent of the field makes me really excited about the future. Check out this video Karlie made with code.org to see her discuss her newfound passion for coding.

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The Center for Women In Technology (CWIT) is dedicated to increasing the representation of women in the creation of technology in the engineering and information technology fields. CWIT efforts begin with nurturing a strong group of Scholars, grow to building community resources for other women in these majors, extend to fostering a healthy gender climate and ITE pedagogy in College of Engineering and Information Technology (COEIT) departments, and finally expand into outreach efforts to increase interest in technical careers. A successful program for female-friendly engineering and information technology education at UMBC will help make UMBC a destination for women (and men) interested in technical careers and serve as a national model for other universities. To read previous Women’s History Month CWIT spotlights, click here. 

To learn more about the experience of women in STEM, check out the American Association of University Women’s report, Why So Few? Women in Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics (STEM) which presents in-depth yet accessible profiles of eight key research findings that point to environmental and social barriers — including stereotypes, gender bias, and the climate of science and engineering departments in colleges and universities — that continue to block women’s progress in STEM.

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For more information about Women’s History events and happenings, visit the Women’s Center myUMBC group page.

A resource round-up provided by Women’s Center staff members

In case you missed yesterday’s roundtable on Trans Identities + Mental Health (or if you were there and want to keep the conversation going), we thought it might be useful to summarize some of the discussion in addition to linking to some useful reading materials and resources. 

As with all of our roundtables, we reached out to our panel members and asked them to keep some of guiding questions in mind as they shared their stories and examples. Some of these questions included:

• Where do the intersections of trans identities and mental health show up for you personally? In the classroom? In your activism? In your peer networks?
• How does stigma against mental illness impact trans people’s experiences seeking support or other mental health services?
• How are the needs of trans people different and/or similar to those of LGB+ people with regard to mental health?
• Why is the intersection of trans identities and mental health a social justice and/or feminist issue?

One student panelist, Dan, described his experience with gender identity and mental health using an extended metaphor of a car sitting on top of a messy desk in order to illustrate the difficulty of adequately addressing various ongoing mental health issues that are distinct from — yet often complicated by — issues related to gender identity.

With only an hour to spend together, there’s still so much more we could have delved into and learned together as a community. Let the work continue! Below are a few articles and resources to help continue doing self-reflection and growth. As a reminder, this is not an exhaustive list so let us know if you recommend other great resources!

Follow on Twitter!

• @janetmock
• @juliaSerana
• @reinagossett 
• @deanspade
• The Sylvia Rivera Law Project @SRLP

Articles, Blogs and Books on the subject:

• DSM-5: Gender Dysmorphia
• Janet Mock’s Revealing Caitlyn Jenner: My Thoughts on Media, Privilege, Healthcare Access & Glamour
• Transgender People More Likely to Develop Depression and Anxiety
• Dysphoria and Dysmorphia: Understanding Identity and Mental Illness
• Transgender Emergence: Therapeutic Guidelines for Working With Gender-Variant People and Their Families
• Trans Bodies, Trans Selves: A Resource for the Transgender Community

On-campus resources:

Spectrum – this Women’s Center and Mosaic Center program is for UMBC community members who identify as trans, genderqueer, gender fluid, outside of the gender binary, and/or those who are questioning their gender identity. The program meets weekly in the Women’s Center on Thursdays at 3pm.

UMBC Counseling Center

•  Trans Support Group run through the Counseling Center
• Online Kognito Training for students AND faculty on staff on how to create a supportive campus for LGBTQ students

Critical Social Justice (October 2016)

Read More from Other Roundtable Roundups:

Black Trauma + Mental Health Resources Round-Up (February 2016)
White Womanhood + Critical Whiteness Resources Round-Up (September 2015)