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Meagé Clements

A blog reflection written by Women’s Center student staff member Meagé Clements 

Growing up, my mother would always remind my sister and I that we had to work twice as hard as everyone else because not only were we women, but we were Black women. Living in a society that has always had low expectations of us, a society where we are confined to various stereotypes and generalizations, it has always been important for us to excel above and beyond the expectations of others. We applied her advice, made the honor roll and the dean’s list numerous times, pursued membership in honors programs and honor societies, yet we continued to question if any of these things would even matter in the long run. Would we still be subjected to the glass ceiling and other barriers that would prevent us from reaching the top because of our gender and race?

As I approach my final weeks of being an undergraduate and I’m frantically trying to plan every detail of my adult life after grad school, I find myself returning to this question more and more. At a recent Women of Color Coalition meeting, I learned that this constant questioning and self-doubt is called “Imposter Syndrome.”

Despite earning the grades and being just as qualified, if not more qualified than many of my peers, I doubted myself and whether I truly belonged and I continued to try and find ways to prove that to myself and others. During the meeting, I found that I was not alone in this sentiment, and that this was something that nearly everyone experienced; however, this persistent self-doubt impacts women of color differently for a number of reasons. 

In spaces where there aren’t many other women of color, we’re imposed upon by others’ perceptions of us being a “diversity hire” or a product of affirmative action, rather than attributing our successes to our own doing. Consequently, even when our accomplishments result from our own hard work, we still feel inadequate.  

Personally, these feelings of inadequacy have resulted in me becoming a bit of a perfectionist. I remember the countless times I’ve gone above and beyond others’ standards when it wasn’t necessary. I remember all the all-nighters I’ve pulled completing tasks that should’ve only taken an hour. I remember completing entire assignments, only to start over because I felt they weren’t good enough. Although perfectionism and imposter syndrome are often discussed in regards to academics, I’ve found that these concepts have also applied to my personal life.

My experiences have also brought to my attention the ideal of effortless perfectionism, a term used to describe the pressures of being able to roll out of bed and be “flawless” with little to no effort. Having perfect skin, a perfect body, and perfect grades without even trying. These pressures are largely placed on women and further perpetuate gendered beauty stereotypes and expectations that are often very unrealistic. As a Black woman, I find myself constantly caught between exceeding the low expectations others have for me because of my race and gender and the high (and at times unrealistic) expectations I have for myself, a recipe for exhaustion and unhappiness.

After learning the hard way, I’ve come to realize that all of these things: others’ expectations, stereotypes, and misconceptions, didn’t matter as much as me being happy with myself and what I’ve accomplished. While I know these are lot easier said than done, I’ve found a few tips that I have begun to implement in my own life and will continue to work on. From a number of resources, I found the following common tips particularly helpful with working to overcome imposter syndrome and perfectionism:

1. Talk to yourself like you would to your best friend.

One of my sorority sisters said this to me once when I was going through a really rough time, and it has resonated with me ever since. She mentioned how we tend to be positive and encouraging when talking about other people’s accomplishments, yet we’re often hypercritical of ourselves. I’m not always the most outspoken about how I’m feeling, although this is something I’ve started working on and will to continue to incorporate into how I talk about myself.

“That’s not who I am. I’m a smart, strong, sensual woman.”

Part of this advice includes learning to compliment yourself. Learn to shower yourself with praise, approval, and compliments like you would to your best friend. In the Women’s Center, we have ‘Leslie Knope Awards’ that the staff members give to one another, and there’s one in particular that we are encouraged to award ourselves (see below). This has been especially difficult for many of us because this often an afterthought, but it’s important to give yourself credit where it’s due and to acknowledge when you’re doing a good job.

“I am big enough to admit I am often inspired by myself.”

2. Learn that it’s okay to ‘take up space.’

This is especially applicable to any women of color experiencing imposter syndrome or feelings of not belonging. It can be very difficult to feel a sense of belongingness when you are the only person of color in your class, academic program, or career. Speaking from experience, I know plenty of times where I’ve let myself fade into the background because I didn’t want to draw attention to myself or because I didn’t feel that I belonged. I’ve gradually been working on finding my voice and allowing myself to take up space. I’ve learned that I do not need any affirmation from anyone else to know that I was meant to be here, and I have something valuable to contribute.

People’s opportunities and accomplishments are shaped by more than just their own merit, of course; as such, it’s important to always be mindful of how our various privileged and marginalized identities shape our experiences. That said, for women of color who often have their agency and worth erased or minimized, it can be a radical act to unapologetically take up the space that we’re often denied.

“I am very good at what I do. I am better at it than anybody else.”

3) Just do it.

Instead of living in the fear of not being good enough, just do it. Be open to trying and learning new things, even if you think you won’t be good at it — you might just surprise yourself! Face down your feelings of doubt by ‘faking it until you make it.’ We may not always feel like the best thing since sliced bread, but encouraging ourselves to take on these challenges can help offer motivation without becoming focused on how we do (or don’t) compare to others. 

“Do it. Fierce. Power.”

I know each of these tips are easier said than done, but it’s important to engage in self-care, be kind to yourself, and acknowledge the great person that you are. I’m no expert and this is definitely something I’m going to be continuously working on. However, I can say that as I’ve practiced this tips and others, I’ve felt a lot better about myself and my accomplishments.

I’m learning each day that I deserve to be here, I belong here, and I’m going to continue to do great things.

Last October for CSJ: Baltimore 365, Women’s Center student staff members created displays for our Vines, Rhymes, and Headlines discussion/exhibit that explored media coverage and social media engagement surrounding the Baltimore Uprising. One year after the uprising, we’re looking back at some of the images and tweets that captured this important moment in our history.

What Happened at Mondawmin? See how events unfolded that afternoon to set the stage for the much-reported “riots.” (credit: Daniel Willey) 

Conversations around the Uprising were grounded in several hashtags, including #BaltimoreRiots, #FreddieGray, and #BaltimoreCurfew. (credit: Julia Gottlieb)

#BaltimoreUprising was used to counter the popular narrative of #BaltimoreRiots.

#FreddieGray and #SayHerName reminded us of the faces, names, and lives impacted by racist police violence.

#BaltimoreLunch addressed food insecurity in the city, while #BaltimoreCurfew illustrated the clear racial divide between how people experience policing.

An overview of anti-Black violence and Black trauma provided additional context and significance. (credit: Kayla Smith) 

And here are just a few of the many great articles we’re reading from around the web:

• Freddie Gray One Year Later
• A Year After the Baltimore Uprising, the Real Work Is Just Beginning
• A Year After Freddie Gray’s Death, A Look at Media’s Coverage of the Baltimore Uprising

A brief thought by student staff Shira Devorah 

This coming Tuesday, I’m going vote in the Maryland Primaries!

I’m excited to participate in this election, but I am also really wary.

Voter suppression is a topic that’s pretty new to me. I’ve never voted before, let alone spent too much time looking into how it works. Most of my efforts have gone towards researching candidates, not worrying that I won’t even get a chance to speak. I knew a little bit about Photo ID laws (boo), but that was about it. I didn’t know about voter suppression before my more politically aware friend pointed it out to me. I like to think that I’m well informed, but clearly I haven’t been paying enough attention. And now that I’m about to vote for the first time, I’m worried that there are a ton of students just as unaware as I am.

Source: The American Civil Liberties Union

Voter suppression includes a range of strategies aimed at discouraging or preventing people from exercising their right to vote. It can be done legally, through unfair laws, or illegally, through underhanded tactics. Either way, it is a social justice and feminist issue. When politicians get in the way of equity for all, we must educate ourselves and take a stand against unjust practices.

I’m saddened, but not surprised, that America has legal (and illegal) things in place to stop eligible voters from casting their ballots. These unjust tactics are often employed to directly target and disenfranchise marginalized individuals, especially Black and Latinx people. People with prior felony convictions are just starting to get their right to vote back in some states, but overall do not get counted.

Students are also targeted through voter suppression. This recent  piece by The Retriever Weekly gives a close-to-home example. This is a huge social justice issue that all students should be aware of when we attempt to head to the polls on Tuesday. Not only so that we UMBC students are conscious of our own votes, but also so that we are aware of the suppression tactics facing our fellow citizens.

This info graphic from the ACLU is old, but gets the point across

Misinformation about voting procedures, like incorrect deadlines for absentee ballots, complicated instructions, and unfair waiting periods all add up to dissuading voters. There is a history of politicians and lobbyists spreading misinformation through shady robo-calls and flyers. On top of illegal practices, there are actual laws in place specifically created to suppress certain people’s votes. North Carolina’s Monster Voting law, which will have aspects present in this current voting period, would legally dissuade younger voters.

This was all disheartening for me to hear for the first time, but I was also inspired to learn that activist groups all over the country are fighting against voter suppression laws and dirty tricks.

North Carolina’s Vote Defender Project is a way that students are combating voter suppression. These activists are tasked with providing voters with accurate and easily understandable information about the upcoming election process. These vote defenders also look out for active voter suppression tactics and report instances of unjust practices, such as overly-long lines and inadequate equipment at polling stations.

NC Vote Defender, (credit: Vote Defender Project)

campusvoteproject.org  helps to empower and inform student voters, and you can look up information specific to your state and district through their website. The Fair Elections Legal Network is actively working to remove barriers to voting through corrective legislation.

People are speaking out and reaching students like me. Before a few days ago, I was completely clueless to this situation. I’m steadily learning, and I now  feel like I have a better grasp on how important my vote will be. I now know that there are political groups that do not want me to have my say and having a vote that’s counted is not something to take for granted. We are all just single voices in this election, but if we can come together as more informed citizens, maybe we can fight against those who are  trying to take our rights away. To my fellow students, I urge you to go out and make your voices heard. To dirty politicians who want me to stay home- I’ll see you at the polls.

the traditional voter sticker, (credit: Flicker.com)

A resource round-up provided by Women’s Center staff members Meagé and MJ

In case you missed Tuesday’s roundtable on (In)Visible Disabilities and Women (or if you were there and want to keep the conversation going), we thought it might be useful to summarize some of the discussion in addition to linking some useful reading materials and resources.

As with all of our roundtables, we reached out to our panel members and asked them to keep a few guiding questions in mind as they shared their stories and examples. Some of these included:

• Where do the intersections of (in)visible disabilities and gender show up for you personally? In the classroom, peer networks, etc.?

• How does disability relate to issues like reproductive justice, sexual violence, or gender socialization?

• How is the way we talk about disability influenced by gender and sexuality?

• How does ableism impact women with visible vs. invisible disabilities differently?

• Why is this a social justice and/or feminist issue?

On Tuesday, our panelists shared their definitions and experiences of disabilities and their intersection with gender. Rina Rhyne of Voices Against Violence, elaborated on the array of sexual assault/violence perpetrated towards people with disabilities. “Sexual violence is not always physical. Caretakers and partners can manipulate the power and control they hold in relationship.” (See the Power and Control Wheel: People with Disabilities and their Caregivers)  Dr. Julie Murphy spoke to the ways in with ADHD are diagnosed (or not) and the ways in which gender socialization impact the ways in which people respond or react to with women with ADHD. Dr. Kate Drabinski reflected on teaching disability studies and encouraged us to learn more about the social model of disability. Student Leader, Prachi, shared her experience as a Deaf student here at UMBC. She explained the duality of deafness, “it is both an invisible and visible disability.” Prachi also spoke to what it means to be Deaf as a woman of color and called for a change in the way we view disabilities saying, “deafness is not ugly nor is it negative.”

With only an hour to spend together, there’s still so much more we could have discussed and learned together. Below are just a few resources to help us continue to engage in self-reflection and growth.

Thanks to our panel members for the important and rich conversation!

From Stuff Mom Never Told You

• When America’s “Ugly Laws” Hid the Disabled Poor From the Public Eye
• Disabled Sexuality Podcast

From Everyday Feminism

• How Mainstream Feminism Continues to Perpetuate Ableism (And How We Can Change That)
• I’m Not a Person with a Disability. I’m an Disabled Person
• 4 Ways to Be an Ally to People with Invisible Disabilities

News and other articles

• #SolidarityIsForTheAbleBodied, and Feminism’s Ableism Problem
• The hidden victims of campus sexual assault: Students with disabilities
• The Place of Women with Disabilities in Feminist Movements

Helpful Legal Services/ Information on Disability Rights and Accommodations

• Maryland Disability Law Center
• U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission
• Pro Bono Resource Center – Maryland
• Maryland Volunteer Lawyers Service
• JAN Network – Job Accommodation Network
• ADA – Americans with Disabilities Act
• Rape,Abuse & Incest National Network: Sexual Abuse of People with Disabilities
• Power & Control Wheel:People with Disabilities and their Caretakers

On-campus Resources

• Student Disability Services
• AOK Library Assistive Technology
• UMBC Counseling Center
• Voices Against Violence

Read more from other roundtable roundups:

Trans Identities + Mental Health (March 2016)

Black Trauma + Mental Health (February 2016)

White Womanhood + Critical Whiteness (September 2015)

This is a blog post written by student staff member, Carrie Cleveland.

This post is reflective of my own journey in trying to embrace who I am while trying to work on improving my overall health.  I chose to write about what I am doing because it is an important part of who I am right now. Everyone has their own path, this just happens to be mine.

So I joined a gym. Not just a regular gym with a bunch of treadmills and elliptical machines. I joined  Conquest Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and MMA gym. I mean, what middle aged, overweight woman decides that this is the way that she’s going to lose weight?  At least, I didn’t think it would be my personal path. But, it went something like this…

I saw a post on Facebook for a weight loss challenge that said that for $100 I’d receive 10 weeks of classes and nutritional coaching. There are classes specifically for women called Fight Fit. They are like Crossfit mixed with some punches and kicking. I also get access to their yoga classes.  I love me some yoga!  I thought “what the hell?!” and I signed up.

It took my ENTIRE being to not make that same face as the woman in green!

The first day that I walked in to the gym, I was measured and my weight was taken. I knew the woman who was doing this for me, and when I stepped up on the scale, I cried. I was so upset with myself that my weight was as high as it was. I immediately felt a sense of shame, but I did not want to let that shame stop me from taking the next step on this journey.

Photographic evidence of my first Fight Fit class

After the traumatic weigh in, I walked in and started my class. Everyone looked super fit and healthy and in shape. I mean, professional MMA fighters train at this gym. Come on! I definitely thought my fat ass did not belong there (this warrants an entire post on its own but this blog sort of sums it up) but I got through that first workout with some modifications. I was surprised though that all these people that I just met were amazingly supportive. I think I had a preconceived idea that everyone would be super judgy and think I did not belong. The instructors all were willing to meet me where I am at and help me modify some things so I could get through the workouts.  I was not expecting the huge levels of support I would receive from all of them and truly, it is priceless.

The next day I woke up and could barely move. My entire body hurt. Every muscle was sore. By the end of that day I basically crawled into bed and just curled up in a ball because I felt like I could no longer function. Then Monday came and I did something I thought I would not do.

I went back.

I took another class, and I was so surprised because it was hard and the workout SUCKED, but I did it. I got through it and I was so proud of myself. The other women in the class were cheering me on and encouraging me. I mean who does not want that?!?!

Repeat like 1000 times

For the past five weeks I have gone to classes almost regularly. I have made modifications to my diet like eliminating sugar and alcohol, and it is making a difference. I have noticed small changes in myself and I am shocked. My pants are looser. I am less sore after a workout. My wedding rings fit again after what feels like forever. Today, one of my friends stopped me and told me I looked good.  It was such a great affirmation of my hard work and even though I know my value is not determined in how I look or how much I weigh, I do appreciate someone noticing that I am working on me.

I have five weeks to go and I think I have a real chance of winning the challenge. After these first few weeks though I realize it is not about the potential prize at the end, it is about me. Many women, myself included, spend so much time taking care of other people that we put ourselves last on our own list. I am so guilty of this and I need to do better. I need to make myself a priority and that is what I am doing right now. I stepped out of my little box of fear and I tried something new. When I did that I found a gym that met me where I am at and embraced the person I am.  The trainers, yoga instructor, and the other students have been nothing but encouraging and helpful.

Daniel recently wrote this blog about how important it is that we treat ourselves with love. His words ring so true to my own journey in valuing myself and my body.  Although our paths are different, I believe our destinations are similar.  We just want to feel good about the body we are in. This is very reflective of what the body positivity movement is trying to teach all people. I am a work in progress but I feel good for the first time in a long time about who I am TODAY and who I can be TOMORROW.

UMBC’s Take Back The Night took place this past Thursday, April 14th. It was a very powerful evening, featuring a survivor speak-out, a march against sexual violence, and recuperating  with craftivism and community resources!

Couldn’t make it? Check out this recap from the evening!

The night began with an introduction by the emmcees and march leaders, Kayla  and Sarah.

A bird’s eye view captured from The Commons second floor. 

The floor was then opened to survivors to come forward and share their stories. Women’s Center student staff member, MJ poignantly pointed out the moments of silence between stories.

After a few minutes of silent reflection,  many people came forward to share. Every person who came up to the mic showed incredible bravery and helped empassion the audience to break the silence around sexual violence.

A huge crowd gathered to support survivors

A major takeaway from the night

Next came the march around campus! At this point in the night, the everyone gathered together to directly disrupt rape culture and call out sexual violence. We began the march from the Main Street, walked towards True Grits, through Academic Row, and back towards The Commons through The Quad.

The march Passes the Physics building

A beautiful shot of the march in front of the Library

1,2,3,4 WE WON’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

Headed towards Academic Row

The night concluded in a craftivism session. People sat down to create Monument Quilt squares, “Dear Survivor” scrapbook pages, and survivors created t-Shirts for the Clothesline Project. People came together to create while listening to some empowering tunes and snacking on cookies.

Reflection and Action. 

Take Back The Night 2016 was a huge success! Thank you to all of the volunteers and UMBC staff members who helped make this event run smoothly and thank you to all who came out to support survivors and fight against sexual violence!

To all UMBC survivors of sexual violence –
We see you. We believe you. It is not your fault. You are not alone. 

The Women’s center staff thanks everyone for TBTN 2016!

Just a reminder for those who might not have been able to attend, there are many resources available to you, both on and off campus.

Voices Against Violence

Women’s Center at UMBC

UMBC Counseling Center

Title IX and UMBC’s Interim Policy on Prohibited Sexual Misconduct and Other Related Misconduct