A blog reflection by Women’s Center intern Mariana de Matos Medeiros 

I’ve been working on a draft for this blog post for over 6 weeks. It’s been intimidating and scary to be vulnerable in such a public space.

I was hoping to describe how I self-silence and how I struggle to find words that match my thoughts and feelings. I often try to polish them, make them perfect and pristine. Drafting and editing about a million times and still feeling like what I’ve written is not quite right. Sometimes I feel that folks are all too willing to accept that femme women often struggle with expressing their unique voices.

Further, my ideas and how I express them through writing—in other words my voice—have often been devalued. Whether through my experience with academic writing or the constant rhetoric that lived experience is less valuable than ‘objective’ facts found through scientific research. Often, lived experience is closely associated with emotion and thus femininity. It feels invalidating and that my thoughts are only valuable if I can back them up with an outside source.

Recently, while scrolling through my various social media pages, I noticed that I share poetry quite often. In fact, out of 20 posts on my Facebook about 12 of them were poetry by Rupi Kaur.

Some of them include:

Sharing these images and words is how I communicate with my friends via social media. Often, the poetry I share is a reflection of my thoughts, ideas, and feelings.

Which sounds like the definition of ‘my voice’ that I described earlier.

Perhaps, it’s fine that I can’t find my own perfect words to convey my voice. I’m finding that self-expression does not have to fit into a box of what other people expect. Also, that there is value in empathizing and sharing other people’s words in addition to creating my own.

It is self-expression anyway and if I feel accurately represented by the words and images that others have created, then so be it.

Poetry has played an immense role in my healing from sexual violence. The words of others have also served as a reminder that I am not alone. My experience did not happen in isolation. The personal is political. I have a community and that realization has changed everything for me.

This journey to finding my voice belongs deeply to me and I can make it my own.

A reflection of what self-care really looks like for each of us, especially during finals, by Women’s Center student staff member Prachi Kochar.

It’s a common refrain that we’ve all heard, especially around this time of year. “Don’t forget to take care of yourself during finals week!”, “Remember that self-care is important!”, and so on. But what does taking care of yourself look like? Does it look like buying yourself your favorite drink at Starbucks? Does it look like going to the gym for a hard session on the treadmill? Does it look like sleeping in an extra hour? Does it look like going to the movies with your friends? Simply put, there is no easy “yes” or “no” answer to these questions. Self-care looks like what is right for you at this point in time. And self-care does not always fit into a neat little box of “Do this and you’ll feel great!” Self-care can be an ongoing process, a process that is sometimes painful and sometimes exhilarating. And it is something that everyone has their own interpretation of, which can be incredibly overwhelming – googling “what does self-care look like” yields over 29 million results!

Besides these yummy cupcakes, what does treating yourself look like?

For me, self-care can take the form of sleeping in a few hours and giving my body and mind the time to rest and recover from stresses. It can also take the form of waking up early and going to the gym for a 7 AM yoga class or going for a run. Sometimes self-care means showing up for all of my commitments, even when I am tired, and sometimes it means saying “no” or “I can’t do it.” Sometimes self-care means pushing myself to finish all of my assignments when I am not feeling my best so that I will not be thrown into crisis mode later when all of my commitments pile up. What is most important is that I take stock of how I am feeling, mentally and physically, and do not become upset at myself for not being able to do everything, but also recognize that sometimes it is necessary for me to push myself to take care of myself. In other words, self-care sometimes involves doing the hard things and showing up for yourself.

More wise words from Parks and Recreation!

As you might be guessing, self-care involves a large amount of self-reflection – taking stock of your feelings, needs, and wants. This can be difficult for many of us, especially in our fast-paced world where we are praised for chugging caffeine and pushing past our human limits. However, it is necessary to know yourself in order to take care of yourself.

Ask yourself:

What stresses you out? When do you feel most stressed out? Is it those papers that you always seem to leave to the last minute? Is it the way that the dishes pile up in the sink during a busy week?

What can you do to reduce these stresses?

This may consist of creating a detailed schedule or setting aside a specific block of time for completing particular tasks. It may also consist of doing little things to reduce your stress during periods of time that you know will be particularly stressful for you. Remember some of the self-care methods I mentioned at the beginning of this blog post? Doing something like eating your favorite food, getting a workout in, or putting on a facemask with some cucumber slices can be great ways to reduce stress during these periods of time, but no one can tell you exactly what works for you.

And finally, show up for yourself! But don’t be afraid to ask for support from those around you – and don’t be afraid to reach out to others. If you notice that a friend is stressed or going through a rough time, you can reach out to them.

Taking care of yourself is an ongoing process that is not always easy, but you can do it. As we head into finals week, good luck, and don’t forget to take the time to take care of yourself, whatever that looks like!

Resources

• What Nobody Tells You About Self-Care
• The Self-Care Revolution
• An Interactive Self-Care Guide
• “Twice As Good”: On Being a Woman of Color and Overcoming Imposter Syndrome and Perfectionism
• Treat Your Body Lovingly: A Twelve-Step Program
• Self-Care for Thanksgiving

A weekly round-up curated by Women’s Center staff member, Michael Jalloh Jamboria

In the spirit of my friend, who gave us the glorious name ‘Slaying on the Weekly’, every week I will be bringing you some interesting, funny or thought-provoking content from the internet! Be sure to join us next week for more and continue to slay!

Things you should know:

The Bell Foundry, a queer/POC dominated art space, was condemned on Monday December 5th, displacing dozens of artists and performers in the process. There are efforts to find temporary homes and long term spaces for those people, including a benefit relief fund event.

Article of the Week:

Time Magazine has a pretty good list of tips for exam week. Take care of yourself, get some sleep, you’ll do fine.

The holidays are coming up, meaning family. We understand family can be difficult to navigate and be around. Check out Feministing’s guide for navigating the holidays.

UMBC Happenings:

Self-Care Day is December 12th from 12pm to 1pm. Join us during free hour for arts/crafts, tea/coffee and a stress-free zone.

During Exam week and Winter break, the Women’s Center will be reducing the hours of operation.

Song of the Week:

I’ve been listening to really great music recently, and I want to share that with all of you! This week’s song is a youtube playlist for studying. Enjoy some jazzy goodness and get some work done!

You are great! You can pass all of your exams! Enjoy winter break!

The panelists and facilitators (from left to right: Shira Devorah, Dr. Kate Drabinski, Dr. Mejdulene Shomali, Dan Wiley, and me, Mike Jalloh-Jamboria) from the Fatness in Focus Roundtable. Keep an eye out for the roundup! 

A weekly round-up curated by Women’s Center staff member, Michael Jalloh Jamboria

In the spirit of my friend, who gave us the glorious name ‘Slaying on the Weekly’, every week I will be bringing you some interesting, funny or thought-provoking content from the internet! Be sure to join us next week for more and continue to slay!

Article of the Week:

The Women’s Center is dedicated to our mission. In our effects of promote gender equity and serve marginalized communities, we want to provide a few resources and encourage all of the UMBC Community to reach out to the Women’s Center. We want to hear your worries, questions and concerns. In the meantime, check out our list of resources.

• Speak Up: Responding to Everyday Bigotry (Southern Poverty Law Center)
• Preparation for January by Demographic Issue
• Oh Crap! What Now? Survival Guide (pages on various demographic issues/concerns)
• Surveillance Self-Defense
• Web-Security: Harm Reductionist Guide
• Solidarity Networks
• Concrete Suggestions in Preparation for January 2017’s change in American government (by demographic issue, but for any interested readers)
• Information on long-term birth control options

UMBC Happenings:

Professors and activists within the Gender + Women’s Studies Dept have started a petition to Pres. Hrabowski and other provosts to make UMBC a sanctuary institution. Want to sign? Click on the link to add your name and affiliation to the petition!

This week was Black Lives Matter week. They had a plethora of great events that helped mobilize students and expand on their definition of Black Lives Matter. The UMBC event page for Black Lives Matter week has recounts and pictures from the week, in case you missed the festivities.

Check out the Black Lives Matter memorial display on the Quad

Song of the Week:

I’ve been listening to really great music recently, and I want to share that with all of you! This week’s song is ‘Get Up, Stand Up’ by Bob Marley + the Wailers.

Before I leave you, I’m sure you are all aware that next week is Thanksgiving. I understand how difficult it can be to navigate going home and being with family, especially over longer periods of time. Feministing’s Guide to Surviving the Holidays is a great resource for tips pertaining to how to gendered expectations, political arguments and more. Take care!

Enjoy the Holidays! See you soon!

  A blog written by Women’s Center student staff member Ciera Earl

November. It has been a month of triumph for some, but a great loss for most of us. While this month is coming to an end and the holiday season is beginning, it’s important to know how to handle the obstacles that may come with going home or visiting families during this time of year.

I know for myself, being around family is very difficult. Whether it’s from the constant questions about the future, my love life, or whatever “phase” I’m in this time – my anxiety goes through the roof. I’m sure many can relate.

But that actually bothers me. It’s unfortunate that in some way, shape, or form this is relatable for so many people.

Be that as it may, it’s important that while passing the gravy and dodging topics that you come first. Having a self-care plan can be a way to prepare for the challenges that come with the holiday season and families.

Here are a few tips on how to survive the holidays with family: 

(Image: Shutterstock)

Set Boundaries. Remember, you have a choice.

Sometimes it can feel like an obligation to join in on the festivities – honestly I feel obligated to do everything – but it’s important to understand that you do not have to commit yourself to being apart of these events. If you choose to visit family, set clear boundaries. For instance, having safe space to stay can be a way to create comfort and safety for yourself. This way if you feel uncomfortable or need a break you have a separate space to go.  

Be aware of your anxiety. Notice when your tension levels are rising, and let yourself feel them. Feelings in and of themselves aren’t necessarily harmful – the actions resulting from those feelings are the real kicker, and quite often those actions happen because feelings are so bottled up that the pressure forces an explosion. Often, simply noticing and naming the anxiety can calm it.

When you notice tensions levels rising give yourself an out. If you have to spend an extended amount of time with family, work some down time into the schedule. Removing yourself from the situation can be vital.

Remember, this is temporary.

The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

This maybe the hardest of them all. Most of us can survive anything for a small period of time. However, if a situation arises that you feel you may not be able to handle, by all means, remove yourself!

Take care of yourself.You know what you need to do to be healthy. Give yourself permission to be human.

While these tips are not all the ways to respond and react to you family, it’s a good place to start. Here are some more resources on how to respond and handle family during this time, particularly for those in the LGBTQ community:

• LGBT and Heading Home for the Holidays?
• A Gay in the Life: How to handle family during the holidays
• LGBT and Home for the Holidays? 7 Tips on How to Deal
• LGBT Problems: When Going Home for Thanksgiving Is Simply Too Awkward

It’s in times like these that I live by these wise words:

“You is kind, you is smart, you is important.” – Aibileen Clark

Today is Transgender Day of Remembrance. Today we mourn the loss of our trans siblings to violence and celebrate their lives, bravery, and accomplishments. Today we honor our elders and those who paved the way before us. Today we use our mouths to speak the voices that have been silenced.

Below is a collection of art created by Amelia Meman for Women’s History Month 2015. These women, some alive and some not, are some examples of the amazing abilities, resistance, and resilience found in our community. This art has been compiled in zine format, available in print at the Women’s Center and in PDF form here.

Dedicated to Viv. We miss you.

cece mcdonald was arrested on june 5, 2011 for the death of dean shmitz after shmitz’s girlfriend threw a glass in her face. shmitz and a group of friends harassed mcdonald and her friends outside a bar, shouting transphobic and racist slurs and comments at the group. when cece confronted the group, shmitz’s girlfriend threw the glass and a fight ensued. cece was charged with second degree murder and plead guilty to a charge of second degree manslaughter on june 4 of 2012. she was released on jan 13, 2014 after 19 months in men’s prison. activists raised a cry against anti-trans violence with shouts of “free cece” during her trial and prison sentence. since her release, cece has become an activist herself, working and speaking against the prison system and anti-trans violence and she has received the bayard rustin civil rights award from the harvey milk lgbt democratic club. a documentary titled free cece, directed by laverne cox and jac gares, is expected to be released in 2016

cecelia chung is an incredibly influential activist in san francisco. she has been hiv program coordinator and api american health forum and hiv test counselor at ucsf aids health project and has served as deputy director of the transgender law center. in 2001 she was the first asian woman and the first trans woman to be elected president of the san francisco lgbt pride celebration committee board. in 2013, she was appointed to the san francisco health commission and made san francisco the first city in the u.s. to pay for gender reassignment surgery for uninsured trans patients. she currently serves on the presidential advisory council for hiv/aids, is chair of the u.s. plhiv caucus and is senior strategist at the transgender law project.

christine jorgensen became one if the first widely known transgender women in the united states when she returned from denmark after her transition in the 1950s. the world war II veteran toured the country with her nightclub act and appeared on a number of television shows and magazine articles. she published her biography titled christine jorgensen: a personal biography in 1967 and a documentary titled the christine jorgensen story was released in 1970.

danielle berry was an influential and innovative video game designer. her first game, wheeler dealers, was released in 1978 and was the first pc game to be sold in a printed box instead of in a plastic sleeve. her 1984 game m.u.l.e. was one of the first electronic arts games. it was the first economic strategy game and would later influence modern games like sims and farmville. global conquest (1998) was the first pc game in history to be played on multiple computers on an online platform. she received the lifetime achievement award from the computer game development association in 1998. berry’s games were not popular and did not make great sales, but were always ahead of their time and lead innovations in the gaming industry for decades.

harmony santana is an actress and activist. she was nominated for an independent spirit award for best supporting actress for her role in gun hill road (2011), becoming the first openly transgender actress to be nominated for a major acting award. before and during her time on set, she lived in the lgbt youth home green chimneys where she became an advocate for homeless youth and began hiv/aids and anti-bullying activism. she began as a peer educator for bronx aids services and continues to be and advocate for trans youth while beginning work on her third film.

julia serano is a self-proclaimed activist, performer, musician, writer, and biologist. she published her first book, whipping girl: a transsexual woman on sexism and the scapegoating of femininity, in 2007 and her second book, excluded: making femininst and queer movements more inclusive, in 2013. she received her ph.d. in biochemistry and molecular biophysics from columbia university and served as a researcher in genetics, evolution, and developmental biology at university of california, berkeley for 17 years. she is a slam poet and a member of the noise-pop band biteseize.

marsha p. “pay it no mind” johnson was a new york stonewall rebellion veteran and a trans rights and aids activist. she co-founded star: street transvestite action revolutionaries in 1970 with close friend sylvia rivera and later became a star house mother. she served as a mentor, teacher, leader, and homemaker for the girls of star house. she was a member of act up new york during the aids epidemic and dedicated much of her life to aids activism. in july of 1992 her body was found in the hudson river shortly after a pride celebration. though her death was ruled a suicide, her friends and colleagues have always believed her death to be the result of transphobic, racist, and transmisogynistic violence.

miss major, or “mama” to her community, has been an activist for over 40 years. miss major is a formerly incarcerated woman and survivor of attica state prison, a maximum security men’s prison in new york. she is a former sex worker and stonewall rebellion veteran. this trans elder is a fierce advocate for prison abolition and for trans women of color. she is the executive director of the transgender gender variant & intersex justice project.

monica jones was arrested in may of 2013 in phoenix, arizona for “walking while trans.” she was profiled as a trans woman of color and charged with “manifesting prostitution” for accepting a ride in her neighborhood from two undercover cops. jones is an advocate for sex workers and works against the anti-sex worker organization projectrose. she is an arizona state university student and had been recently accepted to the asu school of social work at the time of her arrest.

susan stryker is an openly lesbian trans woman living in arizona. she received a bachelor’s degree in letters from university of oklahoma in 1983 and her ph.d. in us history from university of california, berkeley in 1992. she received a san francisco/ northern california emmy award for her work as director of screaming queens: the riot at compton’s cafeteria (2005) and has been nominated for two lambda literary awards. one of her most notable works is her essay “my words to viktor frankenstein above the village of chamounix,” the first article written by an openly transgender woman to be published in a peer-reviewed academic journal. she currently serves as an associate professor of gender and women’s studies and director of lgbt studies at university of arizona.

sylvia rivera is often considered one of the foremothers of trans rights movements. this stonewall rebellion veteran was an active member of the gay liberation front and gay activists alliance. she protested the exclusion of trans people from the sexual orientation non-discrimination act and was an advocate for poor trans people and trans people of color. her activism prioritized targeting systematic racism and poverty and opposed the prison industrial complex. rivera co-founded star: street transvestite action revolutionaries in 1970 with her close friend, marsha p. johnson and continued to be an influential figure in trans rights activism until her death in 2002.

 A blog reflection by Women’s Center student staff member Shira Devorah

So I really love to talk about sex. It’s probably my favorite topic ever. I used to work for peer health education and with the sexual health committee at UHS here on campus. I’m considering becoming a therapist focusing on sex and relationships within the LGBTQ community.

I’ve always considered myself to be sex positive. But now I’m worried that identifying as such can be problematic.

Sex positivity, in a really bare-bones sense, is a movement that unpacks our taboo notions of sexuality and embraces and promotes human sexuality and personal exploration. There is a huge emphasis on safer sex and informed consent, encouraging respect for people’s personal preferences and boundaries.

I’m definitely here for all of this.

But what are the limitations of this movement?

At surface level, sex positivity is a really cool thing. I feel confident discussing birth control options and my needs with friends and partners. Sex positivity has really allowed me to open myself up as a person and not deny my interest and care about this subject. The fact that this movement exists means that I can one day work in a field devoted to improving sex lives for LGBTQ people.

But sometimes I wonder if I really want to call myself sex positive anymore. Is being sex positive actually accessible to other people? 

Although in theory sex positivity creates space for all people to explore their sexuality, in reality these conversations are not always accessible for everyone. There are many reasons sex positivity isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, even though it may be mine.

It’s difficult for women to be open about sexuality without some sort of pushback, and it can be especially challenging for women of color.

There are a lot of negative stereotypes surrounding women who choose to reclaim their own sexuality through sex positivity. First off, women who identify as sex positive often get sex shamed for their openness discussing these taboo topics. People tend to make a lot of assumptions about women who are open with their sexuality – that we’re ‘slutty’, interested in casual sex, unfeminine, or the object of male desire. These looming misconceptions may turn women off to the idea of being sex positive.

Although I may encounter some of these problematic assumptions, because I’m a white woman(ish) I’m not ever racially stereotyped based on my openness with sexual topics, which can be a reality for many people of color.

Many women of color are fetishized based on their race, and so they may feel more conflicted about associating with this term. For example, black women are often stereotyped as hypersexual, while Asian women are stereotyped as submissive sex objects. Since women of color are often already sexualized in troubling ways, sex positivity might make women of color feel more ostracized. Franchesca Ramsey has a really great video on sexual and dating racism you should check out here.

Feminista Jones from her website, feministajones.com

Some activists, like Feminista Jones, a Black feminist sex positive blogger, have helped counteract this narrative within sex positive circles. Jones has  written about subverting the idea that Black women are hypersexual. In her piece “From Slavery to Sexual Freedom,” Jones discusses embracing Black female sexuality is an act of defiance against the fetishization of women of color. This is one example of how sex positivity can be reclaimed as an intersectional term – but this still doesn’t solve the systemic issue of racial sexualization.

On a different note, I’m also mindful about potentially alienating asexual people and survivors of sexual violence. Sure, I absolutely love being an open book when it comes to sex and sexuality. This means that I talk a lot about sexuality in a variety of different ways; I feel comfortable discussing the educational aspects of sexuality, like teaching people about consent or how to use contraceptives.

Still, I sometimes find myself  discussing less ‘academic’ aspects of human sexuality. I am comfortable with pretty personal conversations, but a lot of people may not be. Some people may even be triggered by these conversations.

Of course, there is a vast difference between discussing safe sex and talking explicitly about sex with friends. Still, the line between informative sexual discussions and casual and potentially invasive discussions may be difficult to draw – especially if you’re like me and never stop the conversation. For close friends, I have a better understanding of what their boundaries are, and know what is and is not appropriate to say. These kinds of discussions are very different than those concerning contraception, which can be appropriate based on who is having this conversation, which spaces they are taking place in. In spaces that are more public, it is possible that people may overhear and be triggered by my discussions. Sometimes conversations that aren’t sexually explicit may still be troubling to some individuals. I need to stay tuned to the needs of all people who may be present.

I don’t know everyone’s stories, and it’s not my business to know their trauma or identity. It is, however, my business to be courteous and kind – and my loud, boisterous chats about contraception might not be as enjoyable to someone else as it is to me.

So how can I problematize sex positivity while continuing to associate with the movement?

I think I need to re-define what sex positivity is to me. It is all that I have grown accustomed to, but so much more. My kind of sex positivity is an inclusive one, accessible to all bodies. My sex positivity is open and honest, but should not be loud nor in-your-face. My sex positivity reclaims sexuality, but understands how sexuality can be misused and feed into rape culture and patriarchy. Most importantly, my sex positivity is my own, and I do not have have to expect other people to see things the way that I do. It does not make them any less of a feminist to feel uncomfortable with sex positivity, it just makes their lens different.

art by Ronnie Ritchie, for everyday feminism

I would really love to reconcile with the term “sex positive” while being mindful that this identifier is not always accessible, realistic, or even as positive as the title claims.

I must be critical of the limitations of being sex positive. I want to expand my awareness for who is included and who gets left out of this narrative. My sex positivity needs to include all bodies, all genders, and all sexualities. In order to reconcile with my own sex positivity, I must remember that it is not the one right way to be a feminist.