It’s been a week since two high school football players from Steubenville, Ohio were charged in the rape of a 16-year-old girl. And by now, there’s little about the case that hasn’t been dissected in the news.

But now the news is part of the news.

The media itself become embroiled in the controversy when a CNN broadcast that aired shortly after the verdict was announced seemed to sympathize with the attackers instead of the victim. Ever since, the internet has been blowing up with arguments about how rape cases are mishandled in the media, as well as in the courts.

But the problem with the coverage on the Steubenville case is that it overshadows what we really should be focusing on here. Because it’s really shouldn’t be about taking sides. And it’s not about whether or not justice was served in the end, either.

Looking at all of the articles about Stebenville and other similar cases, it seems like we’ve come to a point where we’re afraid to talk about rape. Many stories shy away from using the word “rapist,” and others still say “alleged” even when clear evidence has been provided and a guilty verdict handed down.

With one in four college women having been the victim of rape, there’s obviously something wrong with the current way we approach the topic—and maybe even how we define it when it comes to our own lives. 

Max Warren, a J.D. candidate at Harvard Law, put out an op-ed this weekend that starts to make things a little less gray and little more black and white. Here’s what he had to say:

If things went farther than you wanted last night, it doesn’t mean it’s your fault for being too drunk or “leading him on.” It’s not your fault for not trying harder to stop it. It’s not your fault for not knowing what to do. I cannot stress this enough: that is not how this works. This is rape, and it is always the rapist’s fault—no one else’s. The sooner we can all wrap our heads around that, the better for everyone.

The bottom line here? Rape is more prevalent than many people realize, and it’s time we stop laughing things off and start realizing when to draw the line. The only way to change how the media and courts handle rape is to start handling it more seriously ourselves.

Will you?