In an effort to combat UMBC’s ghost-town reputation on weekends, University President He-Man Wazowski has approved plans to transform the campus into an amusement park. The plans, presented by a third party contractor, aim to draw students and patrons to stay over the weekend at UMBC in a ghostly park.

“I think it’s an excellent idea,” said Wazowski in a statement last week. “We’ll have students dressed up as monsters and ghosts, wandering around and scaring people. What a thing to have on your resume! We’re generating student jobs and fun for everyone.”

The company responsible for the campus’ transformation is the newly formed House du Freak, a conglomeration of artists and entrepreneurs who have worked together for years transforming amusement parks such as Busch Gardens and Six Flags into Halloween horror-fests.

“This is an amazing opportunity,” said Frederick Krueger, House du Freak’s President and Scarer-in-Chief. “We’ve been doing this in parks for ages; I still remember the first Knott’s Scary Farm. But now we’re on a college campus, year-round, so it’s an untapped market that we’ll explore thoroughly.”

Under Krueger’s direction, House du Freak aims to use UMBC’s existing structures to their favor in order to create a frightening atmosphere.

“A few of these buildings give me a strong East-Germany vibe… So we’ve got to go with Gestapo zombies, for sure. And the construction for the new event center thing?? We’re going to transform that into some post-apocalyptic, warehouse-type horror experience. Clanging pipes, flickering lights… the works!” said Mr. Krueger.

Krueger’s proposals also involve using a supposedly already existing underground system in order to create a bunker-like experience, in which students and patrons would run through the underground maze, escaping all sorts of monsters such as zombies, werewolves, vampires and the like. The circuit would begin at the library’s basement, according to Mr. Krueger:

“Best thing about using the library basement is that it’s scary enough as it is – we don’t even have to do anything!” he said. House du Freak would also work on building additional structures, such as a Fright Train and multiple roller coasters.

So far UMBC’s student body has shown mixed feelings about the plan. While some seem eager to experience any form of entertainment while on campus for the weekend, others question the project’s necessity.

“I don’t know, it seems a little… too much. I love this scary stuff and all, but do we really need it every weekend?” said sophomore Delilah Wilkins, a philosophy major.

Still, there have been some enthusiastic responses to the proposal, such as Norah Quibble, a junior theatre major. “This is going to be great! Who doesn’t want creepy monsters all over campus every weekend? I already signed up for the werewolf auditions. Want to hear my howl? I can also do a pretty sweet zombie gurgle.”

A few students do not mind the idea of the park’s construction, but question the means through which it will be completed. Adam Adams, who works as a Resident Advisor on campus, points out a few irregularities:

“Has literally no one else noticed that they’re building on the parking lots? Parking fees are also up 1700 percent. Now that’s scary!”

The post UMBC to transform into ghostly park on weekends appeared first on The Retriever.