Officials have recently confirmed that key members of Trump’s campaign colluded with Russia to help him win the presidency. Even though literally everyone already knew this and it is not in the least bit shocking, we now need to plan for the inevitability of a Trump impeachment.
While the founding fathers put into place a system of succession to ensure our democracy does not go un-governed, we simply cannot let the obviously way too inbred human iteration of a rotting potato, Mike Pence, continue to eviscerate and embarrass the highest office in this once great nation. We live in dark times and it is only appropriate that while in the dark, we are led by someone who represents light.
Bandura the puggle is everything that clusterfuck of a human being Donald Trump is not. He is willing and ready to take on the responsibilities of the presidency and has proved himself many times over in ways that Trump can only dream of.
When examining the life of Bandura, we find stories of struggle and triumph. Unlike Trump, Bandura’s early life was marked by the chaotic experience of being handed off from owner to owner until he finally found his forever home. Bandura did not receive a “small loan of one million dollars” from his father – he never even met his father.
Furthermore, Bandura is fully house trained as a dog his age should be. He knows where urine is supposed to go once it leaves the body and acts appropriately based on this knowledge. Considering recent documents that have surfaced and videos that have yet to surface but sure as hell will one day, we cannot hold Donald Trump to the same high standards.
In addition to these traits, we can take comfort that the size of Bandura’s paws are not freakishly small in comparison to the rest of his body. Donald Trump’s hands are, however, another story. He has normal body proportions for his respective species.
According to Jasmine Shaffel, a senior sociology major, “Honestly, at this point I couldn’t care less. Elect a dog to the presidency? Why the fuck not, I guess. We’re all trapped in a Winnebago headed for a cliff with the brake lines cut anyway.”
The end of emperor Trump’s reign of uninformed terror is inevitable, but the damage it has done is visible. In the governing following this time we need a robust and capable leader that we can look to for hope and who will lead us back into the light. Bandura the puggle would be a hundred punches up from the tragic mess that has been Donald Trump’s presidency. He is clearly the hero America needs and deserves.
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