During this momentous election year, we are set to break ground no matter the possible results. America will have either its first Jewish, female, orange or serial killer president. I am, of course, speaking of GOP presidential hopeful Ted Cruz, also “allegedly” known as the infamous Zodiac Killer.

Now, there is no concrete proof of this overwhelmingly supported claim. If there was, a certain someone would be rotting in a jail cell right about now, having to live the rest of their lives with nothing but their mangled conscience.

The Zodiac Killer was a serial murderer operating primarily in California during the 1960s-70s whose identity has never been revealed, until now. He has five dead confirmed victims to his name, two injured, and another 20-28 possible murders.

Cruz’s involvement may seem impossible due to the shifty time-line, however, strictly speaking, he could still be the killer. After years of American crime syndicated television, I think we all know that sometimes the killer may very well be the least likely candidate. And although Cruz (if that is his real name) wasn’t technically born and was technically a baby during most of the attacks, doesn’t completely cover-up his possible involvement.

It has been statistically proven that serial killers are typically white males with fatherless households and contempt for women. Considering Cruz’s politics on things from birth control to abortion, we can check contempt for women off the list. And for a year in his childhood, his father left the family.

So far, we have the mere possibility that the potential next leader of this country is a psychopathic killer. However, is there more non-circumstantial evidence?

Of course there is!

Interestingly enough, Ted Cruz has never denied being the Zodiac Killer. If he had nothing to hide, why wouldn’t he just set the record straight? In regards to his age at the time of the alleged killings, perhaps the American people deserve to see a copy of his real birth certificate, not that Canadian forgery. I mean, if Obama had to cough that shit up, don’t we have a right to know who we’re voting for?

38 percent of Florida voters knows exactly what’s going on. No punchable looking politician could get past these people. A poll revealed that 10 percent of Floridians are rightfully convinced that Cruz is the reprehensible man who murdered God knows how many people. The other 28 percent believe it to be a possibility. 62 percent are perhaps too frightened to let their voice be heard in fear of retaliation.

A former nanny to the Cruz family, who understandably wishes to remain anonymous, had this to say of Cruz: “He was a devil child who consistently wet the bed [another common trait of serial killers] and took glee in leaving carcasses of all sorts of animals around the house. He is the reason I stash both a rosary and knife under my pillow every night.”

I was unable to finish my conversation with her just as when I believe she was about to reveal the way a seemingly “young child” was able to destroy so many a lives when the phone line mysteriously went silent…

Either way, maybe Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer, maybe not. That is up to the individual to decide after taking a look at the shockingly compelling evidence. But one thing is for sure: no one knows exactly who the Zodiac Killer is, so, it is not implausible to at least consider this likely theory.

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