Facilities management releases a statement: “Let’s just call it done.”
In a recent campus planning session, top facilities personnel concluded that they wanted to put the whole library pond project behind them.
Students who miss the ambience of the library pond might be in luck, as a recent administrative decision will hasten the end of construction — sort of.
On Wednesday, campus spokesperson Dana “Da Beast” Jones announced that the library pond construction project had progressed “as far as it was going to.”
“After substantial deliberation we have decided that the pond is as good as it’s going to get,” Jones said, to the cheers of all involved.
The pond, which has been under renovation since its closure last fall, is currently an 18-foot hole, bordered by tall construction fences. The final stage of the project will remove the construction fences, although some of the smaller concrete barriers will remain.
“Students will be able to sit on the barriers, stare into the muddy depths of the library hole and contemplate the directions their lives are heading in,” Jones said.
The new pond-hole is expected to further distinguish UMBC as a unique up and coming honors university.
“Many campuses have library ponds, and many more campuses have ponds in general. Tell me though, how many campuses have massive library holes?” said Jones, beaming with institutional pride.
UMBC will pay the current contractors to keep a backhoe and a dump truck at the site. In keeping with the construction theme of the rest of campus, the machinery will intermittently reverse loudly and block walkway access.
Student reactions to the announcement have been mostly positive.
Stephen Tablelegs, a senior balloon artistry major, is glad that UMBC is retaining the construction equipment.
“It just wouldn’t be the same without the constant beeping and drilling. I hear it in my dreams,” said Tablelegs.
Sarah Bob, who doesn’t even go here, said, “I found a skull down there the other day, so that was pretty cool I guess.”
Some students have raised concerns about the fish and fowl that previously called the pond home, but Jones was quick to ease fears.
“Think voles, not geese,” said Jones.
The pond is expected to also become a booming habitat for various grub and diplopoda.
Construction on the project was previously halted after the university failed to acquire the proper permits.
“Nobody was sure if it was a pond, an estuary, a reservoir or what. Well guess what, now it’s just a hole,” said Jones.
Jones even raised the possibility of holding Quadmania in the new library hole.
Jones was enthusiastic about the possibility of more holes as well.
“The campus entrance way project comes to mind, but the holes there aren’t quite deep enough yet to make a formal decision.”
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