Super Human Moments: Broken from the Start
Everyone has had them: moments when things have gone wrong partly because of our own lack of experience or perspective. In this new series of posts, I'm asking members of the UMBC community to reflect on their own 'super human moments.'
Q: What is your current title (job or student organization position)?
A: Special Assistant to the Director of Student Life
Q: In 12 words or less, what role(s) do you play on campus?
A: I aid in implementing campus-wide programming, assessment projects, and being a resource for students.
Q: What title would you give your Super Human Moment?
A: Broken from the Start – The Relationship or Me?
A: I started dating *John* my senior year of college. John and I had a very close friendship, enjoyed so many of the same interests/hobbies, and he taught me how to play guitar. I was the “good girl” all my life, and he was a “bad boy” of sorts who kept me intrigued and eventually got me hooked. I am not a fighter, but oh, how we fought. Typical unhealthy relationship, where one is hopelessly in love with the other who hurts you, but you keep pressing on because “next time, the promises won’t be broken”. I thought, at the time, he had all the qualities I ever hoped for in a partner (along with some negative ones I would’ve never pre-selected, but not everyone’s perfect). I compromised my standards, my relationship with my family, my own intuition, and that little voice inside trying to shout at me -- we got engaged.
The conflict from all sides increased. In the climactic height of a typical ‘misunderstanding’, John removed the ring from my finger in a fit of rage. At that moment, he tore out my heart, but it had long ago been chipped to pieces. He was sorry…again. But his act in momentary loss of control was the defining act that pushed me to seize the ground he accidentally provided. His last mistake was my out. Could I have done it on my own?... The agony ensued for months, but John was gone from my life. And that’s the shortest version of that chapter of my life I have ever shared.
I had mixed responses to the end of my engagement, a time in my life that I had been dreaming and praying about for many years. All I wanted was to find “the one”, get married, and raise a lovely family. On one hand, I was miserable and suffering, grieving at the loss of those hopes and plans --- how could I ever find all I wanted in another person? On the other hand, my logical and grounded side of me (along with the tremendous support of my family and friends) knew that this was a huge trial to grow from and I would move past it. During the relationship, I could see what was unhealthy, but I set it aside. As the troubled weeks passed after the engagement ended, I began to identify the emotional and mental abuse and the manipulation that I allowed myself to endure because of my codependency on my partner. I had difficulty being independent, and I don’t mean being single. I was so selfless with my heart, emotions, strength, and energy that I had none left for myself. I was empty. I had to learn to take care of and understand the inner me in order to healthily give of myself to others. Strengthening and growing the inner me allows me to pursue what I’m passionate about – caring for and building up others.
Q: How have you applied what you learned?
A: In the months following the culmination of our relationship, my family and friends, a professional counselor, and hours upon hours of self reflection, thoughtful contemplation, and prayer helped me understand this: in order to help anybody else, I had to help myself get better first. I am still growing each and every day in this area. I have discovered what excites and fulfills taking care of the inner me! With a stronger, independent self, I am getting better and better at serving others in healthy, developmental ways. Also, more times than I can count on my two hands I have been able to share my difficult story to shed some light for others journeying through their own difficult stories. I know I will be able to do that for the rest of my life, even for my own future children (fingers crossed). It’s true – everything happens for a reason (whether you ever come to understand that reason or not).
Q: Do you have any advice you can pass along to others?
A: Relationship violence is not only so hard to watch when you see it in others; it is very hard to get out of when you are the one in the unhealthy romantic relationship. Listen – to your gut and to those who care about you. Know and understand who you are and what you stand for. In turn, you will be better equipped to make healthy decisions for yourself and be better able to impact loved ones and strangers with all your strong, awesome self has to offer!
I’m asking some of the people you might encounter on the UMBC campus, including students, faculty, staff and alumni, to answer a few questions about themselves and their experiences. These are their responses.
Name: Jackie StelmaszczykHometown: Baltimore City, MD
Q: How long have you been at UMBC?
A: This is my fourth and last year at UMBC.
Q: What is your current title (job or student organization position)?
A: I prefer Queen of the Universe, but other than that, here are some of the positions that I hold:
Sisterhood Development Chairman for Phi Mu Fraternity for Women
Resident Assistant in Walker Avenue Apartments
Orientation Peer Adviser
Peer Teacher for IHU Courses for First-Year Students
Q: In 12 words or less, what role(s) do you play on campus?
A: I'm a Jack(ie) Of All Trades, doing everything and anything I can to make everyone love UMBC as much as I do. (Although I have a hard time staying within my word limits...)
Q: What aspect of your UMBC role(s) do you enjoy most?
A: In every UMBC role I have, I am able to interact with different populations. Still, in each group there is such a great spirit and energy. This energy is what has made me love UMBC so much. And I hope that, while in my roles, I am able to pass that love for UMBC onto other members of UMBC!
Q: What is the most important or memorable thing you learned in college/have learned at UMBC?
A: Approaching graduation, I know the most important thing I have learned at UMBC is to take advantage of each and every moment you have here. If I could relive my UMBC experience, I would in a heartbeat. It breaks my heart to think I won't be a UMBC student anymore after this May. But still, I am proud that one day soon I will be able to call myself a UMBC alumni.
Q: Complete this sentence: "I am a big fan of __________"
A: To-do lists! I don't thin I could function without my planner and to-do lists. They keep me organized, happy, and able to be everywhere I need to be on-time and smiling! :)
Q: Do you have any UMBC stories, little-known facts about UMBC, favorite spots on campus, or anything else you’d like to share?
A: During the school year, I find myself practically living on the first floor of the AOK library. Its the perfect spot for any studying needs. Plenty of table space, lots of computers, and there are always people there to study with... or to take study breaks with!
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I’m asking some of the people you might encounter on the UMBC campus, including students, faculty, staff and alumni, to answer a few questions about themselves and their experiences. These are...
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Scenes from Involvement Fest
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Preparing for Global Leadership: Cultural Competence...
Full Title: Preparing for Global Leadership: Cultural Competence and Connections with and for International Students and ColleaguesPreparing for Global Leadership: Cultural Competence and Connections with and for International Students and Colleagues. A UMBC Success Seminar: Wednesday, Feb. 16, 2011, 1:00-2:15 PM, UMBC’s AOK Library, 7th Floor Open Area. Join a panel of faculty, postdocs, and graduate students to share experiences and answer questions regarding the following topics: • What does it [...]
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Full Title: Preparing for Global Leadership: Cultural Competence and Connections with and for International Students and ColleaguesPreparing for Global Leadership: Cultural Competence and...
http://promisesuccessseminars.wordpress.com/2011/02/02/preparing-for-global-leadership-cultural-competence-and-connections-with-and-for-international-students-and-colleagues/
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Grad Student & Postdoc Development
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PROMISE @ UMBC: Support for Graduate Students
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Real People Profiles: Mollie M. Monahan-Kreishman
I’m asking some of the people you might encounter on the UMBC campus, including students, faculty, staff and alumni, to answer a few questions about themselves and their experiences. These are their responses.
Name: Mollie M. Monahan-Kreishman
Hometown: Originally Bloomfield Hills, MI; Now Laurel, MD
Q: How long have you been at UMBC?
Q: What is your current title (job or student organization position)?
A: Women's Center Director
Q: In 12 words or less, what role(s) do you play on campus?
A: Crisis support, programming, education, awareness, and advocacy around gender issues on campus.
Q: What aspect of your UMBC role(s) do you enjoy most?
A: I love being part of a network of caring people who help faculty, staff and students achieve their goals, sometimes in the face of great adversity.
Q: What is the most important or memorable thing you learned in college/have learned at UMBC?
A: I received a bachelor's degree from Bowling Green State University in Ohio, a master's degree at the University of Vermont, and am currently working on my PhD at the University of Maryland College Park. All of the degrees, and the experiences that have gone along with them, have taught me that I love university life and plan to be a part of it for a very long time.
Q: Complete this sentence: "I am a big fan of __________"
A: Challenging expectations. I'm a feminist and I'm an army wife. I'm the Women's Center Director, and I have a great respect for people of all gender identities (including men, of course!). I don't think these things need to be mutually exclusive. People's stories are always more complicated, and therefore interesting, than they may seem.
Q: Do you have any UMBC stories, little-known facts about UMBC, favorite spots on campus, or anything else you’d like to share?
A: I have an unending number of stories that inspire me about the people of UMBC, their resilience, the way they rise to the challenge and go above and beyond for each other. Many of these stories have to do with people in crisis, and therefore are not my stories to tell. Suffice it to say that I'm inspired by this place and hope I'm able to stay here for a very long time.
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I’m asking some of the people you might encounter on the UMBC campus, including students, faculty, staff and alumni, to answer a few questions about themselves and their experiences. These are...
http://cocreateumbc.blogspot.com/2011/02/real-people-profiles-mollie-m-monahan.html
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Co-Create UMBC
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Super Human Moments: Guessing Game
Everyone has had them: moments when things have gone wrong partly because of our own lack of experience or perspective. In this new series of posts, I'm asking members of the UMBC community to reflect on their own 'super human moments.'
Name: Richard Blissett
Q: What is your current title (job or student organization position)?
A: SGA Executive Vice President, Major Inspiration Director
Q: In 12 words or less, what role(s) do you play on campus?
A: I hope to improve ways for people to discover who they are.
Q: What title would you give your Super Human Moment?
A: The Guessing Game
Q: What happened?
A: One of my greater strengths, and one of my biggest weaknesses, is my ability and tendency to rationalize everything. On the positive side, I think it helps me think about difficult issues from both sides of the situation. On the negative side, and this is where it gets me in trouble, it sometimes makes it harder for me to truly empathize with people. It's hard to listen when all you're doing is trying to process every angle of a situation, and it's harder to get at the deeper meaning of things if you spend all your time looking at possibilities and never taking the time to understand what the truth is.
I had a friend in high school with whom I used to be relatively close. We met through a mutual friend and ended up talking a lot because of our shared experiences and common interests. He was one grade level younger than me (though we were only a few days apart in age), so in many ways, I often played the role of "slightly older" mentor who had at least gone through one more year of the jungle that is high school. One day, almost unprompted, he decided to share something with me. I won't go into details about what it was, but I will say that it was something where I was fairly certain that I was the first person he had told. However, given this, he didn't specify anything directly, and really left a lot up to imagination. My brain exploded. In about 30 seconds, I started spewing from the mouth any and all possible responses to any and all possible interpretations of what he had said. He nodded, not saying much, and then the conversation ended there. I even spent the next few days thinking about it, not really getting at the truth of what he, my friend, was feeling, but trying my best to label and organize every dimension of the situation.
I switched schools at the end of that year, and I never talked to him again, and we honestly didn't talk that much after that conversation. I created for myself a million and a half reasons why, but I didn't bother to really think about it. Now, six years later, what he was going through is very clear to me. One of my original speculations had even been right, but I had let it slide in favor of being "open" to many possibilities. If I had just thought for a second about him as a person, instead of him as an interesting subject, I would have easily been able to connect with him. Six years later, I realize that I never really listened to him, and that I just processed without understanding. Knowing him, I'm sure he did alright. Still, I wonder what would have happened if, instead of as a logician, I had been there for him as a friend.
Q: How have you applied what you learned?
A: People are, well, people, and I think that's the biggest thing I have come to understand from this. People have feelings, emotions, fears, joys, and everything else, all of which are not as easily fit into an algorithm as some might like to think. It's a constant goal of mine, getting better at this. I've come to terms with the fact that I may not ever understand what every person is like on the inside, but I do now appreciate and try to emulate those people that show that they at least try. I've come to admire people who are able to think about situations, but also able to interact with them in a personal way, showing that they too are people and can at least connect on that level. I'm still growing, and I still sometimes struggle with this. In my own reflection, however, I have come a long way in that I can recognize when it happens, and then I can work to fix it.
Q: Do you have any advice you can pass along to others?
A: Private variables don't only exist in computer science. People aren't just like open books, and sometimes the difference between listening and empathizing is the difference between being a robot and being a friend.
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Everyone has had them: moments when things have gone wrong partly because of our own lack of experience or perspective. In this new series of posts, I'm asking members of the UMBC community to...
http://cocreateumbc.blogspot.com/2011/02/super-human-moments-guessing-game.html
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Real People Profiles: Savita Moses
I’m asking some of the people you might encounter on the UMBC campus, including students, faculty, staff and alumni, to answer a few questions about themselves and their experiences. These are their responses.
Name: Savita Moses
Q: How long have you been at UMBC?
Q: What is your current title (job or student organization position)?
A: SGA: Assistant of Internal Affairs to the Vice-President // Information Systems Council of Majors (ISCOM): Vice-President
Q: In 12 words or less, what role(s) do you play on campus?
A: To be educated and to help educate others in any way possible.
Q: What aspect of your UMBC role(s) do you enjoy most?
A: I enjoy being involved on campus. I really believe that being involved in your school plays an immense role in creating a positive and wonderful college experience for any given student. Within the organizations I am a part of, I enjoy helping others and planning things. I also enjoy just being a UMBC student in general.
Q: What is the most important or memorable thing you learned in college/have learned at UMBC?
A: The most memorable thing I have learned at UMBC thus far is that students can have an impact and can truly can make a change on their campus if they so please.
Q: Complete this sentence: "I am a big fan of __________"
A: Sugar. I love sugar.
Q: Do you have any UMBC stories, little-known facts about UMBC, favorite spots on campus, or anything else you’d like to share?
A: During my junior and senior years of high school, I was a member of a Pre-College Program via the University of Maryland, College Park. Being a part of that program enabled me to take various college tours throughout many states. One fine morning, we came to UMBC, and the moment we stepped onto campus, I knew it was the college for me. I got very positive vibes from the campus and the people here. Now as a sophomore, I still love UMBC and know it is the perfect university for me. I could not be happier with the university I attend and I can honestly say that I am proud of being able to claim that I am a UMBC student.
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I’m asking some of the people you might encounter on the UMBC campus, including students, faculty, staff and alumni, to answer a few questions about themselves and their experiences. These are...
http://cocreateumbc.blogspot.com/2011/01/real-people-profiles-savita-moses.html
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Mon, 31 Jan 2011 09:32:00 -0500
Puppy Love
The four tiny Chihuahua puppies were whirlwinds of frantic energy moving across the carpeted sunroom floor. The two smallest and darkest, male and female littermates, wandered among the watching humans with evident irritation at the intrusion. The male, which could have passed for an absurdly small Doberman, barked and snapped at onlookers’ extended fingers. The copper-colored female sniffed with curiosity but growled at every sudden move, protective and untrusting.
Across the room two males from a different litter were less eager to engage us. One of them, his white fur attractively tinted with grey and brown blotches, confidently explored the room’s furniture, repeatedly crossing beneath and behind the sofa. The other, white and tan, was clearly the shyest of the group. He sought refuge in the farthest corner and watched the action with apparent anxiety. When approached with an outstretched hand, he sniffed cautiously and offered a tentative lick.
Ten minutes later, Sharon and I sat on a bench outside, trying to decide what to do. We had agreed that we would adopt two of the puppies. I know now that in the ensuing years, the two we chose would become true members of our family, and our affection for them would shape our relationship and our lives. I know now that their health and happiness is necessary to my own sense of stability and well-being, and that a large part of my perspective on life arises from loving these innocent little companions. But sitting on that bench more than four years ago, we had to decide: Which two?
Sharon favored the two smallest. She identified strongly with the female’s protectiveness, and worried that no other owner would be patient with their surliness. She believed that in a loving home those two would blossom. They needed us. But I wanted the two slightly larger male pups. I identified strongly with the anxious one’s shyness, and appreciated their gentleness. I imagined that we had somehow inspired their friendliness; that their willingness to lick our hands meant we would bond with them easily.
As I sit here typing this today, it is impossible to envision our decision on the bench having gone a different way. I wonder sometimes about the two dogs we left behind, and hope they found loving homes. But I know my family was completed by our choice.
 |
| Penny, September 2006 |
Protective little Penny remains skittish around strangers, but she has grown to trust us, and treasures the comfort of Sharon’s lap. She is ridiculously intelligent, always spotting the nuances in situations, anticipating both danger and opportunities to snack. She can melt your heart with her imploring gaze; Sharon says she has me wrapped around her little paw. Penny still snarls when she’s disturbed, especially while sleeping, but she takes care of us all, leaping to check on us when there is trouble; we half-jokingly call her “Nurse Puppy.”
 |
| Bucky, September 2006 |
Anxious Bucky grew from the pup that hid in the corner into a cheerful, eager playmate and explorer. His shyness still comes out in the form of tail-wagging tentativeness around strangers (human or canine), but when he feels safe, he is an affection-seeking missile, leaping onto laps and thrusting his head forward for kisses. His energy and charisma make him the one every visitor ends up wanting to take home. Unlike me, Bucky rarely has any problem identifying and asking for exactly what he wants or expressing his every feeling, and I treasure him partly as a model of emotional health.
I love these dogs for being exactly themselves: so very different from me and Sharon (and each other), and so very much like us. And I’m grateful that Sharon and I listened closely to each other and our hearts, on that bench perched on the edge of forever.
 |
| Penny and Bucky, January 2011 |
]]>
The four tiny Chihuahua puppies were whirlwinds of frantic energy moving across the carpeted sunroom floor. The two smallest and darkest, male and female littermates, wandered among the watching...
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Sun, 30 Jan 2011 18:22:00 -0500
Sun, 30 Jan 2011 18:22:00 -0500
Real People Profiles: Shivany N Trujillo
I’m asking some of the people you might encounter on the UMBC campus, including students, faculty, staff and alumni, to answer a few questions about themselves and their experiences. These are their responses.
Name: Shivany N Trujillo
Hometown: I grew up on the island of Trinidad and moved to Saint Louis MO for college (I consider this my US Hometown)
Q: How long have you been at UMBC?
A: 3 weeks... I started in Jan 2011
Q: What is your current title (job or student organization position)?
A: Community Director of the West Hill and Terrace Apartments
Q: In 12 words or less, what role(s) do you play on campus?
A: Develop positive living environments so students have a well rounded UMBC experience.
Q: What aspect of your UMBC role(s) do you enjoy most?
A: Working with my RAs to plan activities that can benefit our community, learning about UMBC students and experiencing the growth and development of stduents.
Q: What is the most important or memorable thing you learned in college/have learned at UMBC?
A: I have learned that regardless of what situations I find myself in, I hold firm to my values.
Q: Complete this sentence: "I am a big fan of __________"
A: Glee, reading, scrapbooking & the Saint Louis Cardinals
Q: Do you have any UMBC stories, little-known facts about UMBC, favorite spots on campus, or anything else you’d like to share?
A: There is a Trinidadian restaurant in Baltimore that I would encourage everyone to try.
]]>
I’m asking some of the people you might encounter on the UMBC campus, including students, faculty, staff and alumni, to answer a few questions about themselves and their experiences. These are...
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Thu, 27 Jan 2011 19:25:00 -0500
Challenger
In the final moments of the dream, I watched my 9th grade Spanish teacher throw a portable radio high into the air. As it landed with a crash, I awoke to the sound of my UCLA roommate, Bobby, bursting through our door. He had an early class on Tuesdays in that second semester of our sophomore year, but I generally got to sleep late. I was still caught up in the memory of the dream, but Bobby started talking loud and fast. “Hey, Dave!,” he said. “Did you hear that the space shuttle exploded?”
Just as with September 11, 2001, people old enough to have experienced that morning—January 28, 1986 (25 years ago this week)—are almost certain to remember where they were when they heard the news. Back then the space shuttle still inspired a lot of fascination, and missions got plenty of attention. This launch, of the Challenger, was more closely watched than most. Christa McAuliffe was on board: a high school teacher who was the first true civilian selected to fly into space (a couple of members of Congress had flown on previous missions). There had been extensive TV news coverage of McAuliffe’s selection and training. Millions of young students watched the launch on TVs in their classrooms that morning.
In my initial shock, some of my thoughts were deeply cynical. It struck me as suspicious that this shuttle mission, the one that had received so much attention in advance, would be the one to result in a tragedy. I speculated about the possibility that the launch had been sabotaged, perhaps by people in the government, for someone’s political or financial gain. But within hours a new sentiment took hold. As with the shootings in Tuscon a few weeks ago, this was a moment in which everyone was experiencing a sense of horror and loss. Even as each news cycle brought new, morbid details and finger-pointing, there was a shared feeling of sobriety and common purpose, and there was comfort in the sharing. When President Reagan spoke on the night of the disaster about the astronauts having "waved goodbye and slipped the surly bonds of earth to touch the face of God," I felt both moved and connected with everyone within reach of his voice. I felt like a citizen.
For those of you old enough to recall that day, what are your memories?
]]>
In the final moments of the dream, I watched my 9th grade Spanish teacher throw a portable radio high into the air. As it landed with a crash, I awoke to the sound of my UCLA roommate, Bobby,...
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Thu, 27 Jan 2011 09:45:00 -0500
