When I was asked if I would be interested in joining the Women’s Center staff, my first reaction was, “HELL YES.” The Women’s Center had very quickly become my favorite place on campus, and I was excited to jump on the opportunity to be a part of something that had been such a positive addition to my life. Last spring was a great time for me. I got more involved. I joined the Queer Leadership Council and the LGBT Campus Climate Workgroup. I was elected Outreach Coordinator for Freedom Alliance and Director of Public Affairs for GWST COMM. Recommendations, internship opportunities, and leadership roles were flying at me and it was great to feel like my skills were desirable.

How might male privilege show up in women-focused spaces?

But the more I thought about it, the more suspicious I became. How much of this have I actually earned? Aren’t there other people who are much more qualified than me for these jobs? How must my classmates feel about a freshman showing up and taking over? Am I taking over? How does privilege play into this? Do I even belong in these spaces? I have been thinking about these questions for months and I want to take this opportunity to reflect on what it means to be a male-identified staff member at a women’s center and the complicated combination of male identity and queer identity.

I think a lot of trans guys and people of trans male identities forget that even though some of us may have once identified as women or are sometimes read as women, we still have male privilege. Despite our queerness and the bureaucratic level problems we face with documentation or health care, there is still a place for us on the glass escalator. Now, this is not true for all of us– trans men of color, gender nonconforming trans men, or those who do not easily or readily “pass” (when one fits the standards of what a man or woman looks like well enough to not have their gender questioned) have a much more difficult time with this. For the sake of this post, when I say “trans men” I specifically mean trans men like me: white, medically transitioning, “passing” men.

My biggest struggle has been figuring out a way to see how my privilege has given me advantages in my life while also remembering that I actually did earn some of it. It’s a balance between knowing when to be proud of myself because I’ve earned something and knowing when I’ve been given something. I’m still trying to figure out how to contribute and participate in feminist and women’s movements without riding the glass escalator to the forefront. I’m learning to listen more than I speak and to support the efforts of others to liberate themselves rather than leading their liberation.

As for the Women’s Center, I think I will always be questioning and changing how I fit into my role here, just as women’s centers have changed since their first appearances in the 1970s. Women’s centers are still women-focused spaces but have branched out to include women of color and LGBTQIA women and people. Many women’s centers (including ours) have even started looking at toxic forms of hegemonic masculinity and how it affects women and men alike.

I belong here for now. My roles and responsibilities will change as the needs of my communities and the communities I support change, and I am still learning. I welcome feedback and criticism from community members– after all, you are why I’m here.

October is Relationship Violence Awareness Month, and here at UMBC we take relationship violence prevention extremely serious. There is an entire month's worth of great events and programs happening during the month of October and we hope that you will support our campus by being present at some of them. 

If you have questions about any of the listed events or about relationship violence resources, please contact Jess Myers, Women's Center Director, at jess.myers@umbc.edu, 410-455-2714 or myself, Mickey Irizarry, Health Education Coordinator, at pirizarry@umbc.edu, 410-455-3752.

I’m writing and posting this reflection on the first year “anniversary” of the closing of childcare center on UMBC’s campus. That was a painful and stressful time on campus for many families and their children. Thankfully, UMBC is committed to being a family-friendly campus not only in name but in actions and renovations to restore the childcare center back to working condition will take place this year with a slated re-opening date of fall 2015.

But the issue of childcare extends beyond UMBC. Here’s some startling facts about the state of childcare in the United States.

In many states, the cost of childcare is more expensive than college tuition.

This high price of childcare is particularly important you take into consideration the following statistics found in a National Women’s Law Center analysis of state and national data that addresses the concerns related to low-wage jobs and the intersection of childcare:

• Over 1.2 million mothers with very young children (children ages three and under) are in low-wage occupations (those that typically pay $10.10 or less per hour)
• In every state, working mothers of very young children are disproportionately represented in low-wage occupations.

Moreover, low-wage jobs often entail unstable, unpredictable, or inflexible schedules and lack any paid sick or family leave which can make it difficult to arrange child care. For more information, you can read the full report here.

Getting your college degree and being a parent also isn’t easy. Check out a previous post from our former intern, Emily that specifically focuses the childcare issues faced by college student parents.

There’s also this report from AAUW that specifically addresses childcare issues on a community college level.

And the issue extends beyond access to childcare. These are just two personal stories I’ve heard recently from moms in my life…

A dear friend of mine just had her baby. Leading up to her due date, we spoke about her struggle to understand the ins and outs of her maternity leave (because newsflash: out of 178 nations, the US is one of three that still does not require paid maternity leave benefits). With only weeks to go until her due date, she realized she had been told the wrong information about her leave policies and now had significantly less time to take off during maternity leave than she originally thought. In the moment she wasn’t feeling well and was contemplating starting her leave early before the baby came. She shared with me feeling torn about taking the time off now before the baby was here so she could take care of herself or to save the time for later so she could spend it with the baby once he or she arrived. She asked: “how can I take care of my baby, if I can’t take care of me now?”

*Recent update… there’s a new push underway at the U.S. Labor Department for paid maternity leave. You can read the 9/24/14 article here.

Upon coming back from maternity leave, my sister-in-law, J, inquired with her HR department about a private space she could pump. She was referred to a single-use bathroom that was generally known around the office… and this is her exact quote… “as the place the guys went to take a dump.” J questioned that location as the only solution and asked if she could use a conference room when it wasn’t in use. She was told that using a conference room wasn’t sanitary for other people who use it… you know in case breast milk got all over the place.  Needless to say, she left the meeting crying and feeling pretty hopeless. Thank goodness, HR went back and did their homework and changed their statement when it became apparent that state law made it illegal for workplaces to designate public restrooms as lactation rooms. The next day they turned an empty office into a “wellness center.”

They were probably worried this would happen….

But all joking aside, for UMBC folks, please know the University System of Maryland has a lactation facilities policy and the Women’s Center is the official lactation room for campus. Moreover, on all college campuses that receive federal funding, pregnant and parenting students can find protection under Title IX  which prohibits discrimination based on sex in education programs or activities.

During the various conversations I engaged in last year when the campus childcare center closed, it was important for me to emphasize that access to childcare wasn’t just a women’s issue. It was a parent issue. A student success issue. A retention and graduation issue. A work-place satisfaction issue. And, while all of that is true, access to childcare and family-friendly work policies are still also women’s issues that impact pay-equity issues, tenure and promotion issues, work-life balance issues and more. As a society, we need to do a better job at supporting our moms and families. It’s time for a culture shift and we all need to be a part of the solution.

* * * * * * * * * 

The Women’s Center has several resources that may be of interest to our UMBC moms and parents:

Mother’s Group list-serv: This list-serv allows members to connect with other moms and parents on campus. Looking for a suggestion for a babysitter, pediatrician, or childcare provider? Email the list! If you’d like to be added provide your contact information to womens.center@umbc.edu

myUMBC Moms and Parents Group: This is clearinghouse of sorts that the Women’s Center created to put all the parenting and childcare resources we know of in one place. Examples of links and documents include the childcare resource guide, employment protections, Grad’s School maternity leave policies, information about Title IX. This can also be a place for parents to post their own discussions or questions.

Childcare Resource Guide: Before the childcare on campus closed, the Women’s Center with the support of the President’s Commission for Women put together a guide to help parents find alternatives to childcare on campus, especially for kiddos between the ages of zero and two. Since the center closed on campus, we’ve added to the guide and continue to update it on a semester by semester basis.

Women’s Center Lactation Room: In addition to the private space, there is also a hospital grade breast pump and a mini-fridge to store your milk (away from everyone’s lunches and dinners).

Mother’s Group Meetings: This is a time for mothers on campus to get together and connect. We’re in the process of re-envisioning what these meetings can look like and how we can make it the best use of time for our busy moms. Stay tuned for updates on when the next meeting will be by following the myUMBC moms and parents page or joining the mother’s group list-serv.

Hi everyone, it’s me, Yoo-Jin!  This week I’d like to reflect on my TED Talk, Ray Rice, and abusers/ perpetrators of relationship violence. First of all, I couldn’t have done this talk without the help of our coordinator, Megan, who brought her incredible insight and wit to help structure my talk. As I was preparing for my TEDx Talk, which was about reframing the way we think and talk about relationship violence (and as a result acted or didn’t act when faced with it), I found that with the media outcry of Ray Rice’s video of him punching his then fiancee, Janay Palmer, my talk became relevant in a way that I hadn’t anticipated. As I went through my talk this past Saturday, I talked to the audience about three steps we can take to prevent and recognize relationship violence:

1. Think 
2. Speak
3. Act

I addressed the ways we often think of relationship violence in our society- in the most extreme cases, often involving celebrities and catastrophes (physical abuse, death, viral videos). This also affects the way we talk about relationship violence, zooming in, how we talk about both perpetrators (as people who are distant from us) and victims (as people we blame, to distance from us because we wouldn’t make the same choices they did). Through my discussion, I went through the hidden, pervasive, and invisible forms of violence that happen everyday, and I will tell you, I saw some uncomfortable audience members in the crowd. Yes, violence is a difficult and possibly uncomfortable conversation for anyone.

However, this issue was brought home to me in a different way. I found myself struggling with this issue specifically, now with a person on the other end: an abuser. How do I handle this? How do I talk to someone who does exhibit concerning behaviors? How do I talk to this person, who I’ve known and loved for years? As I searched through resources, I found an incredible lack of tools and realized how both sides of this issue are important. Of course, victims and survivors of abuse are important and deserve support and resources but how do we even begin to talk to abusers? Abusers who could be our friends, our classmates, our coworkers? Just like victims can be anyone…so can abusers. Abusers are not demons who are always entirely bad, psychotic people- their behaviors are unacceptable, but does that make them less valuable as a human being? This odd dissonance and guilt is associated with so many different factors- it’s interesting how this dynamic can flip: determining who gets the empathy and who gets the blame? It is clear to me, that the person who must take responsibility for their actions is the person who abuses other people, because at the end of the day, violence is never okay and is never acceptable. I did want to acknowledge this challenge that I faced and will continue to face in engaging in productive and appropriately empathetic dialogues with the abusers who might need help or seek change.