A blog reflection by Women’s Center intern Mariana de Matos Medeiros 

I’ve been working on a draft for this blog post for over 6 weeks. It’s been intimidating and scary to be vulnerable in such a public space.

I was hoping to describe how I self-silence and how I struggle to find words that match my thoughts and feelings. I often try to polish them, make them perfect and pristine. Drafting and editing about a million times and still feeling like what I’ve written is not quite right. Sometimes I feel that folks are all too willing to accept that femme women often struggle with expressing their unique voices.

Further, my ideas and how I express them through writing—in other words my voice—have often been devalued. Whether through my experience with academic writing or the constant rhetoric that lived experience is less valuable than ‘objective’ facts found through scientific research. Often, lived experience is closely associated with emotion and thus femininity. It feels invalidating and that my thoughts are only valuable if I can back them up with an outside source.

Recently, while scrolling through my various social media pages, I noticed that I share poetry quite often. In fact, out of 20 posts on my Facebook about 12 of them were poetry by Rupi Kaur.

Some of them include:

Sharing these images and words is how I communicate with my friends via social media. Often, the poetry I share is a reflection of my thoughts, ideas, and feelings.

Which sounds like the definition of ‘my voice’ that I described earlier.

Perhaps, it’s fine that I can’t find my own perfect words to convey my voice. I’m finding that self-expression does not have to fit into a box of what other people expect. Also, that there is value in empathizing and sharing other people’s words in addition to creating my own.

It is self-expression anyway and if I feel accurately represented by the words and images that others have created, then so be it.

Poetry has played an immense role in my healing from sexual violence. The words of others have also served as a reminder that I am not alone. My experience did not happen in isolation. The personal is political. I have a community and that realization has changed everything for me.

This journey to finding my voice belongs deeply to me and I can make it my own.

Meet Renee,

She is a English major and an URA Scholar. She is also a staff writer for The Retriever Weekly and is involved with UMBC’s creative arts journal, Bartleby. Rene also has some advice for future researchers... "Don’t doubt the merits of your research project. Even if your project is very different than many others, don’t let that discourage you. You’re bringing your own perspectives and ideas to the table, and they deserve to be heard just as much as everyone else’s ideas do."

Rene's research project explores the effects from people who were children at the time of 9/11 in order to look at how those attacks were a common point of awakening among the members of her (Rene's) generation. The research also plans to look at how the attacks continue to affect those individuals today. I plan to take elements of the recollections collected, as well as my own, and combine them into a nonfiction book. The aim of this book is to appeal to a wide range of ages, from middle school-aged children through the Millennial Generation. An effect of the timeline will emphasize the enormous impact that one single day can have on an entire generation.

Read more about her research here…

Meet Sean,

He is a Visual Arts major and an URA Scholar. He is a proponent of research funding... "You have nothing to lose except the potential of how far $1500.00 can push you in your career. You can do almost anything you want with the funds as long as you just prove that it’s worth doing." His future goals is to freelance as a photographer and to continue to visually tell the stories of people who can’t tell their own.

Sean's creative project will document the "invisible citizens" of Baltimore City. Homeless individuals are visible casualties of racial and socio-economic class divisions, yet as individuals they are often invisible to much of society. In an effort to make some of these individuals visible, Sean will interview and make individual photographic portraits of select homeless persons with whom he has become acquainted in the past year. This work will personify the individual. Homeless people who participate will be able to take credit for helping others who share their struggle.

Read more about his research here…

A reflection of what self-care really looks like for each of us, especially during finals, by Women’s Center student staff member Prachi Kochar.

It’s a common refrain that we’ve all heard, especially around this time of year. “Don’t forget to take care of yourself during finals week!”, “Remember that self-care is important!”, and so on. But what does taking care of yourself look like? Does it look like buying yourself your favorite drink at Starbucks? Does it look like going to the gym for a hard session on the treadmill? Does it look like sleeping in an extra hour? Does it look like going to the movies with your friends? Simply put, there is no easy “yes” or “no” answer to these questions. Self-care looks like what is right for you at this point in time. And self-care does not always fit into a neat little box of “Do this and you’ll feel great!” Self-care can be an ongoing process, a process that is sometimes painful and sometimes exhilarating. And it is something that everyone has their own interpretation of, which can be incredibly overwhelming – googling “what does self-care look like” yields over 29 million results!

Besides these yummy cupcakes, what does treating yourself look like?

For me, self-care can take the form of sleeping in a few hours and giving my body and mind the time to rest and recover from stresses. It can also take the form of waking up early and going to the gym for a 7 AM yoga class or going for a run. Sometimes self-care means showing up for all of my commitments, even when I am tired, and sometimes it means saying “no” or “I can’t do it.” Sometimes self-care means pushing myself to finish all of my assignments when I am not feeling my best so that I will not be thrown into crisis mode later when all of my commitments pile up. What is most important is that I take stock of how I am feeling, mentally and physically, and do not become upset at myself for not being able to do everything, but also recognize that sometimes it is necessary for me to push myself to take care of myself. In other words, self-care sometimes involves doing the hard things and showing up for yourself.

More wise words from Parks and Recreation!

As you might be guessing, self-care involves a large amount of self-reflection – taking stock of your feelings, needs, and wants. This can be difficult for many of us, especially in our fast-paced world where we are praised for chugging caffeine and pushing past our human limits. However, it is necessary to know yourself in order to take care of yourself.

Ask yourself:

What stresses you out? When do you feel most stressed out? Is it those papers that you always seem to leave to the last minute? Is it the way that the dishes pile up in the sink during a busy week?

What can you do to reduce these stresses?

This may consist of creating a detailed schedule or setting aside a specific block of time for completing particular tasks. It may also consist of doing little things to reduce your stress during periods of time that you know will be particularly stressful for you. Remember some of the self-care methods I mentioned at the beginning of this blog post? Doing something like eating your favorite food, getting a workout in, or putting on a facemask with some cucumber slices can be great ways to reduce stress during these periods of time, but no one can tell you exactly what works for you.

And finally, show up for yourself! But don’t be afraid to ask for support from those around you – and don’t be afraid to reach out to others. If you notice that a friend is stressed or going through a rough time, you can reach out to them.

Taking care of yourself is an ongoing process that is not always easy, but you can do it. As we head into finals week, good luck, and don’t forget to take the time to take care of yourself, whatever that looks like!

Resources

• What Nobody Tells You About Self-Care
• The Self-Care Revolution
• An Interactive Self-Care Guide
• “Twice As Good”: On Being a Woman of Color and Overcoming Imposter Syndrome and Perfectionism
• Treat Your Body Lovingly: A Twelve-Step Program
• Self-Care for Thanksgiving

A weekly round-up curated by Women’s Center staff member, Michael Jalloh Jamboria

In the spirit of my friend, who gave us the glorious name ‘Slaying on the Weekly’, every week I will be bringing you some interesting, funny or thought-provoking content from the internet! Be sure to join us next week for more and continue to slay!

Things you should know:

The Bell Foundry, a queer/POC dominated art space, was condemned on Monday December 5th, displacing dozens of artists and performers in the process. There are efforts to find temporary homes and long term spaces for those people, including a benefit relief fund event.

Article of the Week:

Time Magazine has a pretty good list of tips for exam week. Take care of yourself, get some sleep, you’ll do fine.

The holidays are coming up, meaning family. We understand family can be difficult to navigate and be around. Check out Feministing’s guide for navigating the holidays.

UMBC Happenings:

Self-Care Day is December 12th from 12pm to 1pm. Join us during free hour for arts/crafts, tea/coffee and a stress-free zone.

During Exam week and Winter break, the Women’s Center will be reducing the hours of operation.

Song of the Week:

I’ve been listening to really great music recently, and I want to share that with all of you! This week’s song is a youtube playlist for studying. Enjoy some jazzy goodness and get some work done!

You are great! You can pass all of your exams! Enjoy winter break!

The panelists and facilitators (from left to right: Shira Devorah, Dr. Kate Drabinski, Dr. Mejdulene Shomali, Dan Wiley, and me, Mike Jalloh-Jamboria) from the Fatness in Focus Roundtable. Keep an eye out for the roundup!