Harini Narayan is a student intern at the Women’s Center.

My childhood was marked by internal conflict. I struggled to understand my ethnic identity and sexual orientation, all the while facing the usual struggles of adolescence. In intermediate school, I was a self-declared tomboy and made friends mostly with the boys in my class. I identified with them more than the girls, and the validation I received in being “one of the boys” only fueled my need to further distance myself from my own gender. I was proud to say I didn’t wear makeup or wear dresses and loved to brag that I was never so shallow as to have a boyfriend (little did I know there was a very different reason for not wanting to date boys, but that’s a realization I wouldn’t come to for a few years). Thankfully, I grew out of that phase before I became an adult.

In retrospect, I recognize the toxicity of my behavior. I put down other girls to feel better about myself, as if wearing pants instead of a dress somehow made me superior. It’s almost laughable how much I’ve changed, but my childhood personality opens the bigger issue of those who do not change, and enter adulthood as a woman that sets herself apart from the rest of her gender on the sole belief that she is somehow better for not conforming to the societal mold for femininity.

Of course, there is nothing wrong with not being feminine. Toxicity lies in not being able to accept a woman’s personal choice may align with societal norms. For example, I still prefer pants to dresses, but I know there is nothing wrong with dresses. Femininity is not a weakness, but a choice that should be respected. Declaring oneself as “not like other girls” shouldn’t be acceptable, unless the one in question is a) not wholly female-identifying (like genderfluid people), or b) a mermaid, werewolf, or other partially supernatural entity that identifies as female, but not human. Even those two instances, what makes someone “different” from other girls is either not completely identifying as female (hence unlike other girls, because they are not always a girl), or not being fully human-identifying (in this case, the “other” girls are human, and therefore biologically unlike a hybrid species).

Furthermore, toxic gender culture isn’t limited to women; men face the same issue though it’s presented differently. Toxic masculinity takes the form of repressed emotions. It’s hearing “men can’t get raped,” and shaming those who aren’t interested in sex, sports, or beer. It’s assuming a man is gay because he dresses a certain way, or watches certain television shows. It’s microaggressions that people don’t realize they’ve normalized until it’s almost too late.

Toxicity stems from society, but manifests itself within a gender identity group over time.

Internalized misogyny can be blamed on several things, notably the stereotypes surrounding the different ways in which girls present themselves. When a girl grows up hearing she can either be pretty or smart, she is trapped in a binary that restricts her personality. If you want to be smart, no one will find you attractive; but if you want to wear makeup and date, no one will perceive you as intelligent. She can be a Madonna/whore, a domestic goddess, or a bossy spinster—“or” being the operative word. Only one option is acceptable, but still leaves the woman with enough flaws to be criticized by society. The bimbo is an airhead, an object for men’s entertainment; the domestic goddess is submissive and lacks any sort of worldly knowledge; the bossy spinster is a prude that doesn’t know how to have a good time.

What isn’t considered here is how there is no one-size-fits-all for what a “good woman” is. Society wants a woman that is smart, but always yields to men to ensure she never appears more intelligent than them; she must be attractive but can’t flaunt her sexuality or dislike the notion of sex either; and she must be well-versed in domesticity, able to cook, clean, and tend to the family. Unfortunately for those with such counter-intuitive/competing? expectations, this kind of woman does not exist.

Women are powerful, and they are also multifaceted: a single characteristic does not define them. Women know this about themselves, so why do some hold fellow women to a different standard?

This is the power of misogyny in a patriarchal society. Social constructs form barriers on the personalities of women, which is oppressive to its core. To be taken seriously (read: worthy of a man’s approval), women must confine themselves to the task of boosting men’s self-esteem. If you’re a woman reading this, I want you to think about your own experiences in public with men: how many times have you been interrupted by a man in conversation? How many times have you laughed at a joke you found unfunny, or even offensive? How many times have you been cat called on the street? And how many times have you seen men cat called? The first step to breaking free of that is being conscious of any sort of thinking or behavior that demonizes other women for doing something completely unproblematic. Is her makeup messy? That’s okay, because maybe she’s practicing improving her skills or maybe she doesn’t care how others perceive her. Is her outfit totally unflattering to that body shape? That’s none of your business because the clothes aren’t on your body! Being constructive isn’t the same as being judgmental: telling someone she has lipstick on her teeth isn’t the same as pointing out her makeup is cakey. Women need to respect each other and help each other succeed. In a society designed to put women down, we must rely on each other to lift ourselves back up and stand strong.

A chart dictating some examples of gender stereotypes

It’s hard work to filter our thoughts for all of the toxic things we internalize, but we need to recognize that acknowledgement of sexist thoughts is important. Respect is learned, and people can change for the better if they first admit they need to do so. Years ago, I represented everything that is wrong with the ways society views gender toxicity. Now, I can say that I have educated myself and recognize when I’m engaging in toxic behavior. Nobody is perfect or all-knowing, but it is the effort and willingness to be a better person that makes the world a better place.

Announcing the URCAD Selfie Contest Winners for 2018!

Best Overall Selfie - Frank Gorelik, with Mentor, Dr. William LaCourse, Joshua Wilhide, laboratory manager of the Molecular Characterization and Analysis Complex at UMBC (and skeleton), “Development of a Method for Quantitating Caffeine in Tea” ($50 gift card to the UMBC bookstore!)

Best Selfie with Presentation - Trevor Pitts, Mai-Han Trinh, Kavita Kumar, with Mentor, Dr. Simon Stacey, “A Behavioral Approach to Measuring Empathy” ($25)

Best Selfie with Mentor - Nida Yousfi, Zachary Pohuski, Hannah Paul, Zulkarnain Choudhury with Mentor, Galina Madjaroff, “Supporting Caregivers and Car Recipients after the Inset of Cognitive Impairment with Home-based Technology” ($25)

Best Selfie with Family Member - Matthew Kane and Mom, “Scratching the Surface of Bahama Oriole Pine Forest Nesting” ($25)

Get your selfie stick ready for next year- URCAD will be on Wednesday, April 24, 2019- See you there!

Abraar is a Biological Sciences major who will graduate in May 2018.

How did you find the research opportunity? I became extremely interested in the topic of regenerative medicine after having taken Molecular Biology and Genetics. I decided to check out the different research labs available on campus and found that Dr. Lobo’s lab very closely fit my interests. From there I decided to contact and meet with Dr. Lobo, to discuss any opportunities available to work in his lab, and luckily enough I was granted a position in the lab.

Do you get course credit for this work? Paid? How much time do you put into it? This semester, I am fortunate enough to be receiving credit for my work. That said, I currently put in about 10-12 hours a week in the lab.

What academic background did you have before you started? Honestly, not much. I began working in Dr. Lobo’s lab in the summer after Sophomore year, at which point the only upper level biology course I had under my belt was Genetics. Fortunately, I was still able to attain the position, and as a result have learned an extensive amount of knowledge in my area of interest. 

How did you learn what you needed to know to be successful in this project? I would say the biggest thing was having the help of my PI, Dr. Lobo, as well as my fellow research colleagues. I had to learn a good bit of knowledge with how things worked with the software used in the lab, but I always knew that I could go to Dr. Lobo for whatever questions I had. One thing that I really like about my PI, Dr. Lobo, is he holds weekly one on one meetings, where I can ask him any questions or concerns with any of the research tasks. From my experience, Dr. Lobo certainly does an exceptional job of making sure that his researchers are comfortable with their respective projects.

What was the hardest part about your research? The hardest part about my research was most certainly the fact that the lab was a bioinformatics lab. I had little to no experience with coding, so I was limited in what I could do in the lab. That said, I had to learn a lot about the software, Planform, before being able to do any work in the lab. Fortunately, I was able to catch on quick and help out the best I could.  Luckily enough, I am able to work on the current project with a fellow colleague of mine, Junaid, making the whole learning process that much easier. Currently, I am excited about working with a new type of software, called Plangex, that the lab is near finished in completing.

What was the most unexpected thing? The most unexpected thing was the level at which I was able to interact and work with my PI, Dr. Lobo. I had always heard from my friends, who worked in other labs, how they wouldn’t get to work with their PI’s directly, but rather work with graduate students. That fact that I could directly go to my mentor, Dr. Lobo, and get help or advice so easily, was certainly a blessing. I think its agreeable amongst all the researchers in the lab that Dr. Lobo is the best mentor that we could have ever asked for.

How does this research experience relate to your work in other classes? My research in the lab closely relates to the topics of regenerative medicine and stem cells, topics that constantly appears time after time in upper level biology classes. Having conducted research on the matter, I have been able to develop a firm grasp of the topics, making the subject matter a breeze in class. Additionally, my research has required me to read a vast amount of academic literature. This, in turn, has taught the very important skill of being detail oriented. A skill that has proven to be invaluable in all my classes.

What is your advice to other students about getting involved in research? Don’t be afraid to get out there and get involved early on!! I remember when I initially started looking for research in my field interest, I was afraid of being rejected. Looking back, I see how unwise it was to think that way. Just because a PI may not have a spot for you in their lab doesn’t mean you should stop searching. If you really want to get involved in a specific area of study, you should stay proactive. No doubt, working in the lab has taught me skills that I wouldn’t have learned elsewhere. I couldn’t be happier that I decided to contact Dr. Lobo and move forward with research in his lab.

What are your career goals? I aspire to go to medical school, and hopefully help out as many people as possible in the future. If given the chance to do so, I hope to continue researching regenerative medicine down the road after earning a medical degree. 

What else are you involved in on campus?I was an LA for CHEM 351, CHEM 101, and 102, I was a TA for BIOL 302 and BIOL 300L. I am a former tutor at the Learning Resource Center and Chem Tutorial Center. I am a former President of Beyond Relief student service organization at UMBC. And I am currently Vice President, Events Coordinator, and Publicity Director for different clubs at UMBC.