myUMBC Fanfic: The Numerous Tomfooleries of Erik Walker
Chapter Three: Erik’s Renaissance
posted about 12 years ago
myUMBC Fanfic: The Numerous Tomfooleries of Erik Walker
Chapter Three: Erik’s Renaissance
As the quartet arrived on the scene, they noticed that their surroundings weren’t indicative of an Argentinian metropolis. Instead, what they got was a dire, gray-tinged stony landscape. Before they could proceed with their hyper-chronological investigation, they were accosted by a foul figure sporting large breasts and dull tights. To top it off, it had one of those New Wave punk mullets and a fop jacket. “Rancorous beast,” Colin started, “What dost thou calleth thineself?” The creature laughed. “I am the She-Demon, R’azy’acheles, but for the convenience of storytelling, you may refer to me as Rachel.” “What variety of fantastological peril have you in store for us defenders of the realms?” “This!” Better sooner than later, Rachel turned Colin to stone at the bemused surprise of his compatriots. I can confirm that at least one of them ain’t havin’ it “Hey, wassamatta you?” Greg charged, lighting ablaze “You just pissed off the wrong objectivist!” Rachel simply whispered, “Ice, Ice, baby,” and Greg’s hands were encased in blocks of Super-Ice, the worst kind! Erik and Christina wisely didn’t try anything. “Are you babies ready to behave? Good. Let’s get started.” Rachel snapped her fingers and the landscape transformed into maze-like walls of death. “If you monkeys want to save your friend,” she began, “then you better solve my Lascivious Labyrinth™!” “Psh, that’ll be no problem, you stone cold ho’.” Christina replied back. “Traversing your maze will be easy as peach pie. I flight as well get started!” As soon as the exclamation point escaped Christina’s lips, she grew a pair of wings and began to fly over the maze. “Not so fast, chica!” Rachel said as she shot lightning out of her hands. “You’re doing this the old fashioned way. No puns.” After getting hit by one of Rachel’s Bellicose Bolts™, Christina hit the ground with a mighty thud. When she got up, magical duct tape appeared and covered Christina’s mouth. Rachel let out a hearty laugh. “Well, you butt-stains better get started! Who knows how long it’ll be before Greg gets frost-bite?” “Wait, how do you know my name?” “Shazow!” And like that, Rachel imploded until she was no longer visible. The trio began their banal quest for Colin’s livelihood by approaching the maze head-on. They walked through the topsy-turvy junction until they reached a fork in the path. “Looks like we better split up, gang,” Erik suggested. “Me and Christi-“ “Oh no you don’t, Fred,” Greg huffed out, “You’re just gonna make out with Daphne and leave Shaggy all by himself.” “What? No I would-“ “Furthermore, my hands are out of commission, so you’ll have to cover for me.” “Ugh,” Erik sighed, “Fine” “That’s real Kool-aid, brah. Let’s bounce.” The three split into the two canals ready to face their new challenges. Erik and Greg sauntered in unison down the horrible hall. Halfway down the trail of fail, they spied a door. Colored in the brightest shade of Celadon, it brought up a conundrum as they weren’t sure what to do. “Don’t you think this is obviously a trap?” Erik asked. “Who walks into a door in the middle of a maze?” “Me! Now let’s go”, Greg started to walk towards the door. “Come on, man, we gotta go in!” Greg said, waving forward. “Why are you so adamant on this?” “I want to find out what’s Behind the Green Door. Now let’s unravel the mystery.” As soon as Greg opened the door, several arms with polished nails shot out and grabbed him. Before he could react, he was pulled in and the door slammed behind him. Erik could hear Greg’s muffled cries from behind the door. “Oh my God, Oh my God, Noooo!” Erik began to panic, “Greg, are you alright in there?!” Erik was met with a few moments of silence. “It’s better than I expected!” Relieved, Erik prepared to engage this new sitch. “I’m coming in!” “No, that’s okay” Greg’s voice reverberated. “Do the maze, I have my hands full here.” “Are you sur-” “Yes, dammit! Get out of here!” Erik made sure to gtfo and complete the maze. Easier said than done. He didn’t have any bread crumbs, so for every fork in the path, he decided to leave an article of clothing. No foul, he thought, I’m by myself anyway. Finally, he saw an exit sign and decided to run back to retrieve his clothes. Before he could make it to the last turn, a stone slab descended to the junction, leaving him only one way to go. Forward. “Oh...drat.” TUNE IN NEXT TIME. SAME myUMBC TIME, SAME myUMBC CHANNEL
Chapter Three: Erik’s Renaissance
As the quartet arrived on the scene, they noticed that their surroundings weren’t indicative of an Argentinian metropolis. Instead, what they got was a dire, gray-tinged stony landscape. Before they could proceed with their hyper-chronological investigation, they were accosted by a foul figure sporting large breasts and dull tights. To top it off, it had one of those New Wave punk mullets and a fop jacket. “Rancorous beast,” Colin started, “What dost thou calleth thineself?” The creature laughed. “I am the She-Demon, R’azy’acheles, but for the convenience of storytelling, you may refer to me as Rachel.” “What variety of fantastological peril have you in store for us defenders of the realms?” “This!” Better sooner than later, Rachel turned Colin to stone at the bemused surprise of his compatriots. I can confirm that at least one of them ain’t havin’ it “Hey, wassamatta you?” Greg charged, lighting ablaze “You just pissed off the wrong objectivist!” Rachel simply whispered, “Ice, Ice, baby,” and Greg’s hands were encased in blocks of Super-Ice, the worst kind! Erik and Christina wisely didn’t try anything. “Are you babies ready to behave? Good. Let’s get started.” Rachel snapped her fingers and the landscape transformed into maze-like walls of death. “If you monkeys want to save your friend,” she began, “then you better solve my Lascivious Labyrinth™!” “Psh, that’ll be no problem, you stone cold ho’.” Christina replied back. “Traversing your maze will be easy as peach pie. I flight as well get started!” As soon as the exclamation point escaped Christina’s lips, she grew a pair of wings and began to fly over the maze. “Not so fast, chica!” Rachel said as she shot lightning out of her hands. “You’re doing this the old fashioned way. No puns.” After getting hit by one of Rachel’s Bellicose Bolts™, Christina hit the ground with a mighty thud. When she got up, magical duct tape appeared and covered Christina’s mouth. Rachel let out a hearty laugh. “Well, you butt-stains better get started! Who knows how long it’ll be before Greg gets frost-bite?” “Wait, how do you know my name?” “Shazow!” And like that, Rachel imploded until she was no longer visible. The trio began their banal quest for Colin’s livelihood by approaching the maze head-on. They walked through the topsy-turvy junction until they reached a fork in the path. “Looks like we better split up, gang,” Erik suggested. “Me and Christi-“ “Oh no you don’t, Fred,” Greg huffed out, “You’re just gonna make out with Daphne and leave Shaggy all by himself.” “What? No I would-“ “Furthermore, my hands are out of commission, so you’ll have to cover for me.” “Ugh,” Erik sighed, “Fine” “That’s real Kool-aid, brah. Let’s bounce.” The three split into the two canals ready to face their new challenges. Erik and Greg sauntered in unison down the horrible hall. Halfway down the trail of fail, they spied a door. Colored in the brightest shade of Celadon, it brought up a conundrum as they weren’t sure what to do. “Don’t you think this is obviously a trap?” Erik asked. “Who walks into a door in the middle of a maze?” “Me! Now let’s go”, Greg started to walk towards the door. “Come on, man, we gotta go in!” Greg said, waving forward. “Why are you so adamant on this?” “I want to find out what’s Behind the Green Door. Now let’s unravel the mystery.” As soon as Greg opened the door, several arms with polished nails shot out and grabbed him. Before he could react, he was pulled in and the door slammed behind him. Erik could hear Greg’s muffled cries from behind the door. “Oh my God, Oh my God, Noooo!” Erik began to panic, “Greg, are you alright in there?!” Erik was met with a few moments of silence. “It’s better than I expected!” Relieved, Erik prepared to engage this new sitch. “I’m coming in!” “No, that’s okay” Greg’s voice reverberated. “Do the maze, I have my hands full here.” “Are you sur-” “Yes, dammit! Get out of here!” Erik made sure to gtfo and complete the maze. Easier said than done. He didn’t have any bread crumbs, so for every fork in the path, he decided to leave an article of clothing. No foul, he thought, I’m by myself anyway. Finally, he saw an exit sign and decided to run back to retrieve his clothes. Before he could make it to the last turn, a stone slab descended to the junction, leaving him only one way to go. Forward. “Oh...drat.” TUNE IN NEXT TIME. SAME myUMBC TIME, SAME myUMBC CHANNEL
(edited about 12 years ago)
